Blooming Life

The Amazing and Wonderful Journey ... Labaikallah hummalabaik..

2011-10-23T21:20:00.002+08:00

It will be a week from today..a journey I had only dreamt of some years ago.. At that moment.. I wondered, lacking in ilmu and so much in everything that is required, how was I ever going to get there... Spiritually and financially speaking...

But the mercy and generosity of Allah SWT towards His servants is infinite and all encompassing. With His grace, I am now poised to embark on this amazing journey which I hope will increase my devotion and love for my Lord and Creator, Allah SWT.

There will be tests to my patience and resolve on this road not only due to the sheer magnitude of human presence on the designated holy sites of worship but also it will be a means to show Allah SWT that we are worthy of the ultimate prize, His Jannatul Firdausi..

May Allah SWT guide and protect me from my own actions which will render me less in His assessment...may He strengthen my resolve to be closer to Him and may He make the journey a smooth one where I am able to demonstrate my gratitude and subservience to Him. Ameen ya Robbal al Ameen.

Syukur Alhamdulillah

2011-09-16T21:13:00.002+08:00

May 2011 ... A month of firsts for me.

I became unemployed. And decided to help my Dad run the family business. It was not an easy decision to make for me the eternal Miss Independent-dont-shackle-me-please..but my Dad is not getting younger and sense came a knocking. Voila i am now in the throes of turning around the businesses...it is NOT easy... Family and business is not a very good mix and prone to combustion..but with Allah's guidance I hope to improve what my parents started with help of course from a few 'angels'...

Also a matter that I have been mulling over finally was resolved for me by Allah SWT. I decided to become a mother. Not the conventional way but by way of adoption. As the issues involved are sensitive, suffice to say that on 30 May 2011, my dreams were realised , my daughter Nabila was born. Unprepared, inexperienced and using my instincts and little knowledge babysitting my cousins in their infancy, i muddled through the first week... Syukur for my mum and Bibik Sartini ... We formed a formidable team to manage Nabila :)

Nabila is now a healthy baby coming to her 4th month and weighs a hefty 6.7 kgs. I am in love with this cherub. To hear her laughter and even her cries is a joyous bounty. Even her poop sessions make my day. It cannot be anything but pure unadulterated love lol.

Yesterday, I was greeted with news of my flight to the Holy land for the ultimate experience, the Hajj. SubhanAllah. I hope to show my gratitude to Allah SWT by devoting myself fully in the time I am there. I hope that I will receive His blessings and protection especially in raising Nabila.

Syukur. Syukur. Syukur. Ya Allah thank you for your bounty.

Winds of Change

2011-05-03T18:20:00.002+08:00

I just had to check in and blog.

Indeed, the miracle of Allah SWT works in mysterious ways.

Mayhap in at least a month to the day, my life as hitherto I have known will change forever.

I won't spoil the suprise...but at this stage in my life - its whats needed and will be good for my soul and spirit.

Tune in as I will chronicle the change as best I know how.

The promise of Twenty Eleven (2011)

2011-04-20T09:43:00.002+08:00

The past three years I began to think of ushering in the New Year in a dual fashion –one was in honour of the Hijri year i.e. Awal Muharram and the other – what we are all accustomed to since time in memoriam-, i.e the Gregorian New Year (Masihi).

But in whichever way we may think of a spanking minty fresh NEW year – the connotations are always the very same aren’t they…it NEVER fails to deliver a sense of hope, potential and promise tinged with the unexpected…and perhaps a smidgeon of mystery..

As per usual I am not excluded from the majority who feel all of the above. Whatever that was not quite right, perfect or less than acceptable – could always be fixed, amended, renewed when that magical moment circa 11.59 pm arrives on 31 December.

This round of New Years’ was a tad unique…after PM declared 31/12/10 was a holiday courtesy of a regional football victory for the Home Boys – I had an UNEXPECTED day FREE! . My family couldn’t make it to KL and I was hard pressed to travel south (even though I had figured to visit my ancestral hometown for its decadent cendol and sinful kuay teow).

Further on Thursday, 30/12/10, I received an SOS to hook Annie up with some professional people dabbling in wildlife (read: vets) as her she got wind that the baby elephant she has taken to heart in the Kuala Gandah Elephant Sanctuary has been taken seriously ill. After making some calls and through the kindness and generosity of spirit of a few special people – we had a vet who would come to Kuala Gandah and tend to Tapis.

So for three days 31/12, 1/11 and 2/11 – I played nurse/assistant/Girl Friday in the forests of Lanchang, Pahang Darul Makmur…spending at least 8 hours everyday with Annie caring and giving our best to help a wonderful little baby pachyderm called Tapis.

Today, I returned to work – but work is the last thing on my mind. I feel out of place in this concrete jungle…Tapis and Kuala Gandah has changed me – for the first time I understood why people loved animals and would sometime move heaven and earth to help them. It seemed incongruous to me in the past – but after spending 3 days with Tapis and the elephant community (and their carers) – I am a convert.

Interestingly this instance, aspirations to slim down, get increment, upgrade my ride ad nauseaum as “resolutions” were furthest from my mind. It turned out to be one of the most fruitful New Years’ I have ever had – making sure another “makhluk Allah” and its “voice” is heard and insyaAllah in doing so better their existence on this earth to reach its potential.

Note: This post was taken off in January 2011 upon advisement of "someone" (who I shall not name) who said the photos would bring bad press to Kuala Gandah. Cest la vie. Tapis went to meet his Maker, Allah SWT sometime in February 2011 - we were not even told how, when and what. Although it pains us that he is no longer with us - we were very lucky to have known him in his short young life. Rest in peace dearest one, you are home free.

1432 H - A Renewal of Spirit & Forming of Noble Intentions

2010-12-06T10:53:00.006+08:00

Tomorrow is an auspicious day – 1432 years ago, our beloved Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) performed the Hijrah from Mecca to Medina (formerly Yathrib), in an effort to propagate Islam and this united the Ansars and the Mujahirin.

*Maal Hijrah or Awal Muharram is the start of the Muslim calendar year. Literally it means - migration and celebrates Mohammed's migration from Mecca to Medina. Therefore, it is a time for a new beginning, a change from bad to good and a chance to re-evaluate one's life and direction. (from an internet site)

For me Hijrah is such a beautiful concept – in English layman terms its probably means “migration”. Spiritually it’s a formulation of a sincere intention to become better in every way for our Lord, Allah SWT and to gain His pleasure and insyaAllah attain Jannah.

Are we stuck in a rut, day in day out – performing the same things without it giving meaning in the true sense? I used to feel like that. Outwardly, I was performing what I was supposed to do as a muslimah. However, I still felt that something was missing. I knew that I could feel better – but I couldn’t really put my finger on it.

Until I attended my first tafsir class – which incidentally of the surah which is the heart of the Quran – Yassin – did I feel something was happening within me. Since that first class, I began to re-connect the dots and gradually experienced something which was to change how I viewed spirituality.

That was (one of) my Hijrah moment(s).

I began to really analyse the “whys” and then the “hows”. And the love for my Creator began to grow and burgeon with every passing day. I started to read what I could and experiences of the learned to gain an insight into spirituality. When Allah SWT guides you, the way just clears and you can feel His “assistance” which is nothing short of a miracle.

Please forgive me as I write not out of the feelings of “riya’” – its just that I would like to share my experience and perhaps this might strike a chord with someone out there who is grappling with their spiritual journey.

InsyaAllah, if Allah SWT permits, I intend to perform the fifth pillar of Islam this year of 1432 Hijrah. May He guide me through the performance of this intention and may He grant me, this humble servant, His infinite grace and mercy in the completion of this venerable “ibadah”.

InsyaAllah!! May Allah SWT guide us all. Ameen – ya Rabbal – Al-Ameen.

The Magnificent Mukjizat: Al –Quran –ul- Qareem

2010-12-01T10:07:00.002+08:00

I had a chequered experience as far as my Quranic lessons went throughout my life. We were always on the move and before we had the chops to read and learn the tajweed et al…off we went to another of my Dad’s posting. When I entered boarding school – it was just the Yassin mostly – reciting it at every mass prayers on Thursday nights or what the Malays term “malam Jumaat” – the coming of the auspicious Friday, the chieftain of days (Penghulu Hari).

So it is with envy that I witness my friends’ khatam Quran (Graduation/completion of the Quran) ceremonies and the fact they can read the Quran so faultlessly (to my ears at the time cos I had nil knowledge of tajweed) – but despite the inner desire to learn and read the Quran - I made little or no effort – I was busy living life and making sure I passed my exams.

Come working life – still no progress. Finally in 2005 as I was about to perform my umrah – panic set in and Allah SWT finally gave me the rezeki to open my heart and I found an ustaz to teach me the rudiments of umrah and at the same time earn the Quran – from scratch.

Its five years on – I still have not completed my recitation (Khatam) – but Alhamdullilah, I am halfway there as I am learning the meaning and the spirit of every word, chapter and verse as well. I try to make sure I read at least a page a day. I heard once if you want to converse with your Creator – read the Quran – as those are His words revealed for all mankind. It is so true, and it was the best thing I ever did. I feel my heart being purified with every word I read and at times and junctures I break down – with gratitude and humility that He has not forsaken me and that I could now read and revel in the majesty of His words.

So for those who feel that they have missed the boat or are starting too late – just READ it. Allah SWT knows your heart more than you know it yourself – He will lead and guide those He chooses to. InsyaAllah.

Alhamdullilah 3x!

August & Raya

2010-09-08T09:21:00.004+08:00

The adjective "August" is defined : magnific, magnificent, majestic, noble, princely, regal, royal, splendid, stately, sublime, superb; Raised to or occupying a high position or rank: elevated, exalted, grand.

This year Ramadhan fell in the month of August - and apt it is that Ramadhan is bespoke with august-ness and revered! Ramadhan has a very special significance for all Muslims. But observing it and giving it its rightful place in our lives is totally another matter. This time round and unlike past Ramadhans, I really wanted this one to be different…and enabled me to elevate my iman and taqwa from current levels.

Alhamdullilah and insyaAllah, I think I have made little strides this time round. There is still a HUGE room for improvement. What I hope to do post Ramadhan is to keep the good habits I strove to establish and make it a habit from hereon – insyaAllah if I am blessed by Allah SWT to meet Ramadhan again next year, I will be “compounded” with the amal ibadah. Ameen.

This year also saw my dear Irfan fasting in full-on mode for the first time…..with all his classmates fasting and some even already performing terawih, he has no choice but to step up his game…hehe. Last year he complained about being thirsty and hungry all the time…but alhamdullilah this year – with his spirituality enhanced somewhat, he managed to overcome the temptations…although for the first 10 days he ate his food with so much vigour and fervor (I am being very tactful here!) that I had to “counsel” him accordingly on the importance of chewing and eating norms….

My TKC sisters also launched our BSR (Batch Social Responsibility) efforts which was seeded during our last 25th year reunion. Alhamdullilah. It was a beautiful sight – all of us helping the needy and giving a little bit of joy to them…insyaAllah there will be more of that in the future.

Its also been a long time that I have had baju raya…this year – voila….I have FIVE pairs…rezeki…never thought that I could be so lucky…Alhamdulillah. Hari kemenangan on Syawal – disunatkan memakai pakaian yang baik2x dan cantik – mencerminkan semangat untuk membawa amal ibadah serta pengabdian kepada Allah SWT to new and sustained levels…InsyaAllah.

InsyaAllah this 1 Syawal, all family on my mum’s side will congregate in Kuala Pilah, my ancestral hometown for a big raya reunion. A potluck affair, everyone will be cooking their own specialities. My family will be bringing rendang ayam and pulut kuning and sambal tumis. Can’t wait to see my aunties and cousins and to doa for my late grandparents when visiting their kubur(s).

Some people say Raya is only for kids…but what I have experienced this year goes to show how I have misinterpreted the meaning of Eid-ul-Fitr all these years. Dengan bermulanya Syawal, we all “Kembali ke Fitrah”…..which means we return to our life with the graces of Allah SWT after the purification of our souls in Ramadhan with renewed zest and vigour in servitude to our Creator – Allah SWT. Ameen.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri. Maaf Dzahir & Batin.

Ramadhan Al-Kareem

2010-08-10T11:06:00.002+08:00

Its that time of the year.

Where we check out for a breather. Things get a little slower. And we go inwards to the core of our being and connect with our Creator, Allah SWT. To give thanks, to ask for blessings and the ultimate reward - Jannah.

I pray and hope that I will be able to give my level best this year. After all - we never know - this might be our last Ramadhan to beg for Allah's mercy where He is opening all the doors of heaven to receive our amal and bestow His infinite mercy upon all of us.

Interestingly enough, during Sheikh Suhaib Webb's talk...he mentioned that Ramadhan is a month for ALL ...yes isnt that wonderful..Ramadhan is the month for all HUMANITY.

May we find peace, serenity and the strength to rise to the occassion with integrity and meet the challenges to gain syafaat from our beloved Prophet Muhammad SAW and receive the best rewards from Allah SWT.

Charting the Path: Ominous to Glorious

2010-07-29T11:43:00.002+08:00

It has been a long time coming since I have touched upon the subject of my size, weight, girth…the very subject which I had begun this blog with many moons ago..(this August 8th – 5 years !!!).

As many seasoned weight loss comrades out there knows…its not just a numbers game. It’s a mental and emotional one too. When you have more than 20kgs to lose – you’d better be well prepared to live in a “war zone” where nasi lemak, kuey tiao goreng and cupcakes galore (enemies dalam selimut) tempts you at every turn, the non-stop exercising regime you have to adhere to keep your body sufficiently metabolized and tolerating comments from “well-meaning” friends and relatives who have suddenly undertaken personal scrutiny of your diet efforts as their vocation…

Those who followed me on my journey could see and feel the low and high points of my dieting existence and I truly thank all of you for your support!! There were major victories initially but after I made a job move in 2007..everything started to slide..I stopped going to the gym and the pounds piled together with ailments that favoured the sedentary.

In late 2009, I had a tough time at work and the ensuing stress resulted in my BP shooting to an all time high of 170/110. And my sugar readings were not spared…since I have been on a lark eating all carbs in sight, a reading of 13+ (random) was expected really. No wonder that I was put on medication for both – pronto…!

One would have thought that I would be on the strict and narrow…instead I took it as a licence that now with the meds…I could continue with the decadence…6 months on –things have stayed the same. I have NOT improved – ZILCH..NADA..NIL. All of a sudden, I have received news on close relatives or friends suffering from the complication of diabetes. In droves. I kid you not. Its as if Allah SWT was sending me an indirect message…of my impending fate should I fail to arrest the situation. I predicted an ominous future. The doctors were also giving me these doomsday-like predilections….I just couldn’t believe that I had let myself go…BIG TIME…

(To be continued : Part II of Charting the Path: From Ominous to Glorious)

July - An Unexpected Suprise and a Fresh start :D

2010-07-27T12:23:00.005+08:00

July crept on us...the second half of the year is here...and it was the months of Rejab & Syaaban thrown in for good measure..all to prepare for the coming of Ramadhan...the blessed month that all Muslims can't wait to greet in order to multiply their good deeds for the pleasure of Allah SWT.

Three (make that four!!) things stand out (amongst the many2x things tha happened)in July...

(i) a fun filled trip to Penang with my sisters posse;
(ii)a cherished BFF and her family came back for a visit from the states;
(iii)my Atok Parit's first cicit got bethrothed; and
(iv) I finally committed to a health program!

Penang was fun3x...it was good to go on holiday with Kina's posse. Yuvonne, CK, Rach, Sumi are all best buds of my sis since her uni heydays...and really all through the years I have looked upon them as my own extended family - they have my sister's back and really I have never met a group of friends so tightly knit as they. Scorchingly hot, irresistably delicious was Penang on a platter. We also paid a visit to Penang home of American capitalism - Hard Rock Hotel AND Cafe...of course I had to be seduced by a souvenir or two...am such a sucker for souvenirs...:P. We stayed at a rented villa..too much stairs for my aching knees..hehe

My erstwhile comrade, bff, confidante who just happens to be my aunty dropped in from the sky ...(well almost seems like it!). It must be kismet cos me and Susan were talking non-stop about her...Lo and behold, I got a call saying she was in town due to a family matter and I was shrieking and jumping away on account of the (good) suprise...It was great meeting up (eating and eating and eating)and of course catching up with her...her kids have grown so much and were such cuties...mmmm..shall i go and visit them next...nyeh3x...(nope - Hajj comes first ok!)

Iwit got married!!! Alhamdullilah - in the Subang SS15 mosque last Saturday. A picture of a serene bride she was with dashing Faiz beside her...may Allah SWT bestow you His barakah and rahmah firever more :D.

Last but not least, amidst the loss of my voice due to overdose of mata kucing, I finally committed to a health programme..lost 0.7 kgs so far :D. Now to get my glutes of this chair and get activated!!!

June Lovely June

2010-06-28T12:38:00.006+08:00

Before June is over...let me just record some of the stuff that went on in my otherwise dreary life :P

(i) School Holidays

We had a short, sweaty stint at Avillion PD...Lovely 2x place - I finally got to go after wanting and missing the 1st May alma mater festivities...The kiddoes really dug the place..and my mum cooked up a storm...macam la tak da food kat PD tu!

(ii) World Cup Fever grips

At the time of writing - I have ..sadly given up on supporting England - FOREVER!!! They took all of us through a roller coaster ride of emotions..and then they crashed out with a loss of 4 goals...to Germany the arch (but young!) rivals...Am now rooting for Asia via Japan, Europe via Germany, Latin AMerica via Argentina (altho I cant stand Maradona!!!) and Africa via Ghana...(banyak nyer roots!!!). Anyway - bola tu bulat and for all this talk of game fixing - the final will be a world event where most of its populace shall be watching except maybe in lame countries where football is called "soccer" :P

(iii) Broga

The sound of the word BROGAAAA..like so ominous kannn...well to the un-informed - it is a lil' place bordering between Selangot & NS. And within its confines, there is a hill - Bukit Broga and a mountain, Gunung Wan Chek (I think la!!). I ACTUALLY went up the hill okayyyy...1.7 kms high and attempted this Macchu Piccu-like stony boulder which was 90 degrees upright...with the help from my wonderful mermaids Aien & Juit of course. To top it off - I have NOT trained for like months since my colon and endo scopies...So with grit and LOTS of dzikir - I managed to go up and down...very relaxing (when you're at the top!!)..someone even commented that it reminded him of Dublin..LOL. After the climb we set out to Jeram Toi and had a jaundice-d lunch followed by an afternoon siesta...nyaris tak bangun berkat power of the jaundice!!!

(iv) Irfan Changes School

Irfan left SKDU and is now happily installed into IIS Kota Damansara :D. Am so happy for him :D..*can't stop smiling*

(v) Sin Chia Pore

I had entered myself into the SCB KL Marathon months before with oodles of determination...but a few days before ...well on Thursday, I was given an opportunity to do something which I had been wanting to do which will also enable me to spend time with my dear mermaid Juit who will be off to UK soon...so after a short calculation - I decided on the latter and was I in for an adventure!!! I DROVE down south to JB last Friday at 9.30 pm and reached there at 2.30 am!!! Thanks Chik & Awan for your hospitality and putting me up...On Saturday afternoon we took the SMART bus to Sing and get this ... it was only RM1.50!!!! Sesampainya ke Kranji Mrt in Woodlands - we took the MRT for 3 Dollars and reached ion @ Orchard in abt 15 mins....we shopped for shoes and left the island at 9 pm with a taxi at only 10 dollar per person...and to think we nearly gor fleeced by a Malaysian taxi sapu for 60 DOLLARs for the trip in....Cheh!!

Also met a dear old friend of mine - Susan - who now owns her own firm in JB...so proud of her!! She took us for makan at Seoul Garden and a tour of JB...(in a manner of speaking)...Thanks Che2x...Love ya!

So that was my June 2010 round up. Its always a month of milestones for me and am now looking forward to the next 6 months with much anticipation!!!

A Motherlode Weekend

2010-05-03T15:48:00.006+08:00

What a weekend...it had the makings of a Shakespearean spectacle - but with a great ending.

1st May was the date to beat - so many historical events taking place - all involving people whom I hold close to my heart...On the one hand was the much touted affair of our Alma Mater's Silver Jubilee (on hallowed grounds of Bukit Merbah and thereafter the merriment of Avillion in the evening) and on the other was my mum's 70th birthday with a reunion thrown in for good measure of ALL my relatives on my mum's side - some whom I have not seen in yonks!

I was up at 5.30 am on Saturday and convoy-ed to Seremban with my trusty babelicious BFF...in our cars were HUNDREDS of bags lovingly packed with goodies to be distributed to all our adiks. Once we arrived, we made our way to the teachers hall and unloaded. Then - PANDEMONIUM as one by one of our batchmates arrived with shrieks and screams interlaced...Then it was followed by a short and sweet performance by the wind orchestra and us (me and Mia!) at Dewan Sri Budiman - Mia 's son performed also - and all kakak2x and adik2x cair...hehe

Followed by telematch sponsored by our batch. Then touring "sacred" grounds and a short stint of photo op at the dining hall - some of us then went to A & W to grab a bite. THere were waaaaayyyy too many people and too little food at the dining hall..the college grounds was FULL of people this year...

I had to miss the Avillion festivities due to Mum's B'day celebrations in KL...so after A & W - off I sped away to DU - had a quick shower and solat dzuhur and by 4.30pm I was bundling away the goodie bags, decorations and my loved ones in my trusty Vitara bound for Corus Hotel in Ampang. Checked in and waited for the cake in the lobby.

Cake came and it was GORGEOUS. (thanks Wiz!!) Three cakes - one for my mum the other two was for Irfan and Adik. (Transformers and Dora the Explorer, respectively!). My relatives started pouring in - some we have not seen in ages. It was SO heartwarming. Belonging to something which was created out of love is awe inspiring. Almost all my cousins came. Shiela, Eddy & Toto - we missed you - but not to worry we shall have another do come Raya season - InsyaAllah.

Dad brought in the PDRM band for general entertainment - they played EVERYTHING we wanted and more. I was roped in for some songs and bidan-terjun-ed as MC. SO I just "blasah"...alhamdulilah all went well. After cake cutting ceremony, we took group pics...we have a HUGE family!!! I just can't believe that mum is 70!!! (or is it I tak percaya that I am THAT old already!!!).

I love you mum. Sometimes perhaps I dont show you how much - but I hope you know that you mean the world to me and without you I am truly nothing. Happy Birthday!

The Adventures of Irfan & Aunty Wa (Part Deux)

2010-03-26T11:48:00.005+08:00

Since the last two posts dealt with a VERY serious subject (which I suspect made visitors slightly nervous..:P) So, this round I would like to cerita ceriti about the man in my life...jangan saspen dan panik...I haven't been blessed with this rezeki yet...but this is my ramblings about the "little" man in my life - Irfan.

If you all have been reading my postings, quite sometime back I introduced this young man who suddenly entered my life and I became a "mommy" almost overnight. There was to be Part Deux (Two) to the story but writing about him is emotionally difficult because my feelings in this aspect is almost for sure to run amok and climb to the surface and exposure of my vulnerablity is imminent. But we shall try to keep it simple and humourous...yes?

Its difficult to define the relationship I have with Irfan. And I think he is also confused at times! The only thing that "validates" this arrangement I have with him is the blessings that I have from his parents and my parents who is Irfan's Tok Tan & Tok Mi.

What I know with increasing surety (and for now I don't even know whether its good or bad!) is that I am more and more each day becoming a parental figure whilst his parents are becoming more of an "uncle" and "aunty" personas who spoils him silly whenever they have him over!

When I first had him in my living space and accounted for his schooling et al, I did not know how long the arrangement will last. All I know is that I needed to provide him with the security and anchorage he needed to be able to grow into a great human being of service to his faith, family and friends. I think it was in his mind too "Am I gonna stay with this "singa" of an aunty, forever???"

But till today, that question remains in the air and what I have told him is that "I am here to care and love you because you are special. And no matter what happens in your life this is your home and that room upstairs is your room and NOBODY will take that away from you".

(Sheesh...rasa emo la pulak...)

So far I think as children in his position are considered and the fact he is living with NEITHER parent - he is adjusting okay. I will only know of the effects in 20 years time I guess - when he has his OWN family. When he first came to me , he was very insecure. He will clam up in social situations and I think this is borne out of fear of rejection. But syukur Alhamdullilah, when I see him with his friends nowadays he is just as rambunctious (if not MORE so)as the rest of them and is involved and engaged as any kid would be. InsyaAllah, he will thrive and may Allah SWT complete his needs where it lacks and may he grow up to be a great man someday.

Tomorrow is his Sports Day - I shall be cheering him on!

On a Sunday Morning

2010-03-22T15:46:00.003+08:00

I just upped and went.

Even when I did not know what to expect. I knew that that I did not have enough saved up for the Journey of a Lifetime. But the "kain rentang" across the gates of the At-Taqwa mosque beckoned as I passed it on the way to get my groceries at Presto.

So on a bright Sunday morning, armed with my note book and bottled water I was among two hundred people intent on studying and learning all that needed to be learnt for that Journey - the Pilgrimage to the Holy Land.

I made my way to the registration counter and paid RM70 for the course fees. 17 classes - RM70. A steal. I then paid RM15 for the materials.

Trepidatiously I took my seat amongst myriad of faces and seas of baju kurung-ed and jubah-ed ladies. Varying ages. Even a few teenagers. MasyaAllah.

It was lesson Two apparently. I missed the first one. But better late than ever. The second lesson we learned how Mecca came to be and the qualities of the wonderful Zam-zam water. It is so amazing that the Zam-zam well never dries up in a desert - such is the blessings of Allah SWT. Also the four main places during Hajj that the pilgrims will frequent Madinah, Makkah, Mudzalifah and Mina.

Can't wait for next week. :D

Struck

2010-03-18T10:34:00.004+08:00

A Quick One

Listening to the lectures of Brothers Abdur Raheem Green and Bilal Phillips - I was struck just how challenging their journey was to finally find the Ad -Deen and the Nur of Islam.

We who are BORN into the faith are SO blessed to have NOT gone through their trials and trying journeys instead presented with the gift of Islam since birth. Would we have the tenacity and perseverance of these individuals (to name a few) to find our way to Allah SWT? I dare not or even bear to think of it...

Syukur Alhamdullilah. May we always be reminded of Allah SWT's infinite mercy and grace. Amin.

Besotted, utterly and completely

2010-03-17T12:49:00.001+08:00

Its true that there exists now a great love in my heart. Everyday is a renewal of my love and commitment. And Alhamdullilah and InsyaAllah – it gets stronger with each passing day.

Allah SWT – I love Thee – with every beat of my heart. Every second, minute and hour of the day.

This concept of love for One’s creator is much bandied about in any religious articles, texts and books I have read or come across. However, before my spiritual journey I took it at face value – of courselah I sayang Allah SWT – He created me kan – how could I NOT love my Creator…. duh. I never truly grasped the LOVE part. Obeying I thought is also love kan…

But recently after listening to tazkirahs (thank you IKIM!) and starting to go for tafsir classes – the ilmu with the grace of Allah SWT penetrated my heart in ways that I can only describe as magical. Understanding the Quran better also provided me with a keener understanding of what I had recited and cleansed my heart. Almost at once I felt a burgeoning love for Allah SWT seeping into the recesses of my heart and infiltrating my soul.

There is a now a new zest and meaning in all that I do. I can only describe it as an inner strength powered by Allah SWT propelling me from within to do everything for the love of my Creator.

The most obvious change is my solat. There is now an additional element of spiritual beauty and love in the ibadah. To fully understand the meaning of the recitations in expressing our love for Allah SWT and gratitude for all His blessings and gifts – little things we take for granted – the ability to breathe, move our limbs without pain, the health of our parents and siblings. To give thanks to Him for all that I have.

May He never forsake us. For Allah SWT chooses the hearts of those who are deserving to receive His guidance (Hidayah).

Lets all strive to be the chosen ones. Amin Ya Rabbal Al-Amin.

Another Dimension - A Spiritual Fulfillment

2010-03-12T10:20:00.003+08:00

Since my last post - so many events took place. All provided me with lessons and best of all, Alhamdullilah it has brought me closer to my Creator, Allah SWT.

Looking back on my experiences and my journey in life thus far, its indeed remarkable. And for that I am totally, totally thankful to Allah SWT. For every trial and test, I see the wisdom and the message what Allah SWT is trying to teach and remind me.

The message is clear. Crystal.

The thing about test and lessons - you must WANT to learn from it. If many reminders, lessons and tests Allah SWT provides you with leaves not a mark on you - in my humble opinion - you CHOSE not to learn and grow. And sadly it takes away a valuable opportunity to be closer to Him.

As I age and search for spiritual grounding, I see the universe with different eyes. I hear and feel differently too. Dont get me wrong I am still wrought with frailties - but I am able to make peace with shortcomings and make a harder effort at trying to be on the straight path. "Redha" takes mental, spiritual effort and is the highest form of Iman.

This blog started out to chronicle my thoughts and feelings towards my weight loss experience. It now provides another dimension - to let me air my observations and insights on what I feel spiritually and hopefully to discuss with like (and unlike!) minds and learn from each other.

Amin Ya-Rabbal Al Amin.

Musings

2010-02-13T15:32:00.003+08:00

I just realised that I am already into my 5th year of blogging. Sheesh...How time flies on silver wings eh...

On the down side..I have yet moprhed into Jessica Rabbit (propotionally!) and the efforts in maintaining a lifestyle rich with exercise and healthy eating is still a CONSTANT.

On the plus side ... I have become (I think) a better muslimah, daughter, sister and friend. A better employee....Hmmm...that is still a battlefield...but am getting there -insyaAllah.

For the rest of the year - there's a fair bit of milestone to achieve...So there..

Watch this space :D

Kinabalu here we come!!

2010-02-09T15:44:00.003+08:00

Come May 2010 – I will be facing one of my toughest physical challenges yet...yep its my good ole friend – Mount Kinabalu. I came close to conquering it in 2006 but the feat eluded me – since then two attempts were made but due to lack of preparation and motivation – I barely even got to the first hut...

I would love to say that everything is on track and I am prepared – but its not that simple and easy. To date meetings have been had with my team-mates. All 14 of them!! One meeting held at my house on the 23rd of January 2010 and yesterday for those who were not able to make it on the first. On both occasions my dear Annie (and with mermaids in tow for the first!) had been instrumental in rooting ALL of us in reality.

Since my programme started on 3 February 2010 I have lost 1.5 kgs. Alhamdulillah. I need to really3x work out as if the devil is after me from now on. We will be having our first Bukit FRIM Outing on the 20th. Watch this space for updates!!

Its just 12 weeks away – YOWZERS!!!

The First Day

2010-02-03T08:41:00.003+08:00

Day started okay. Glad I had the haircut and did my nails at nail affairs yesterday.
Amazingly the whole beauty thingy cost me RM230. Which is reasonable giler. Esp the hairdressers - RM60 for hairtreatment!!! Something someone told me last Friday nite -resonated to me till today. And that is propelling me on this renewal of sorts.
Had a bowl of oats and cranberries and almonds for brekkie. It was a real change!!Had to physically anchor myself from visiting the nether regions of my building canteen..but SUKSES - I held back!

Having an orange and banana for snack at 10.30 am.

Lunch - probably some protein and vege. Roast Chicken and steamed veges sounds delectable at this point…:D

Afternoon snack. - hmm …orange - tis the season with CNY and all.

Dinner: i-shape I botol and workout.

Thoughts:

Its time for me to think about me. I want to be healthy, happy and be able to beribadah without aches and pains in my lutut. Time to think for myself and start to say NO to the temptations. Look - the food will ALWAYS be there. Your life - only once on this earth. Make it count.

Have decided that Saturday will be cheat day…Have to work them in - but sparingly aaaa...jgn sampai undo the good work

Things to learn for the day:

Dinner was pretty challenging. As my parents were around - I succumbed to a spoonful of rice with gulai ayam kampung and sambal ikan tenggiri.
Thankfully that was that. Next time - must IGNORE food and straight to the machine and then bath...

Commitment Renewal

2010-02-02T08:17:00.004+08:00

I had a "muhasabah" of sorts over the weekend...despite the chaos that descended - I managed to sneak in some "thoughts time".

I have not been honouring my commitment and have been led astray.

Hence, am renewing my commitment to stay healthy and hope lose 20 kgs in the space of three months.

I have now:

(i) bought cereals, fruits and vege to replace the junk
(ii)parked my sneakers and my gym bag with a change of training attire in the boot of my car
(iii)continuing my health journal which has been out of commission since 2006

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I shall be using this space to document EVERYTHING I DO from today 2nd Feb till Sunday 7th Feb.

Coming clean. So help me Allah SWT!

I feel your pain...Malaysia

2010-01-11T09:51:00.002+08:00

What is happening out there – church torchings, demonstrations et al – is reminiscent of something from a B Grade movie. This could not happen in MY country, my beloved Malaysia.

These past few days – I have been trying to look the other way because I just could not stomach what we have allowed to happen. The tangible, blatant disregard for all that is dear to our fellow neighbour – their house of worship. There is NO sensible religion that could condone such stupid and irresponsible acts. I could only conclude that these people who executed the dastardly deeds have taken leave of their senses or are candidates for a hospital which has a famous fruit as part of its monicker.

Racial harmony and freedom of worship are hallmarks of Malaysia. We are unique in being able to sail in the choppy seas of pluralism and diversity and safely head home. In fact we revel and celebrate the many colours that make our Malaysian rainbow. Heck, If we could bottle the stuff, Malaysia would never need to rely on Petronas any longer!

I am the last person in the world to attempt to give an exhortation about the usage of “Allah” in the Herald or anything else on this issue. But to use this as THE cornerstone of what is happening is WAY too foolish and hare-brained. We have run straight into disrespecting the good word for Al-Mighty’s sakes…Can we all have a discussion FIRST please.. before we turn all barbaric and commit sacrilegious acts in the name of religion. Let the powers that be and the rightful authorities suss this one out…lets all of us leave well alone and pray for the best outcome for all.

I have so many great friends who are from differing faiths and cultures. But really those traits are the least important aspect when you already see them with your heart's eyes (Mata Hati). We all share our joy, pain and emotions and value sincerity above all.

When you harp on DIFFERENCES – that’s what you get and the gap will only serve to widen.

But – oh! – when you seek the COMMON thread of humanity that is inherent in us ALL, only beautiful things can happen and it is AMAZING what the human spirit can do.

May we all be delivered from the scourge of intolerability.

The Next Phase

2010-01-03T11:02:00.002+08:00

Yes - its the same old story, I am trying to shed elbees, so help me..:P

Due to my affinity and love for all things edibly naughty and a profound lack of interest in moving my body...I have fallen prey to hypertensive and hi-sugar inclinations. As a result - I am now on medication for both conditions.

You would think when I receive these foreboding news with the possibility of relying on a lifetime of drug therapy would send me IMMEDIATELY running to clear out my fridge of the sinful sugars and carbs AND religiously adopting a fitness programme....I am afraid it was a BIG FAT NO.

But three things contributed to changing my mind and setting me on the path of straight & narrow:-

(i) the onset of the new year with news of people(young people!)exiting their lives suddenly;
(ii)my responsibility to my family and ensuring that I am around long enough for my niece and nephew; and
(iii)an adventure holiday in Sabah come May 2010 - where I will have to organise and ensure that 14 people will reach Low's Peak...I couldn't very well be the one that doesn't can I???

So it is with an all TOO familiar feeling that I embark on a wellness programme to rid of the indulgence and excesses of my current existence. Its very painful leaving my coocoon of bliss. Chocs, candies, soft drinks, rice, cookies...thou shalt be missed HORRIBLY...Hello...fresh fruit and vege, plain water and muesli...my new besties...:D

Shrugging the blanket of months of inactivity will also NOT be easy. Sporadic jaunts on my elliptical exerciser (EE)is not EXACTLY exercise kan...hehe. So I will have to sleep and rise early to ensure that I do at least 45 mins every morning on the EE.

Of course - this will ALL start TOMORROW....:D

Wish me luck and pray for me people!!!

What Lifebloom Did

2009-12-30T23:52:00.003+08:00

During my hiatus from blogdom there have been several significant happenings in my lil ‘ol life;

(i) I raised a seven year old boy and survived...we are now looking at a promising second year at Aunty Wa's Boarding House for wayward children;
(ii) I have had the enviable luxury of a maid {who helped greatly in effort (i)];
(iii) The course of my career has now changed - no longer am I servant to the Board and keeper of all things regulatory, legal and compliance...I now take charge of human capital, corporate affairs and matters of techology (of course with the help of my very capable managers!)
(iv) I am considering seriously a career in singing for ALUMNI functions ONLY...hirers just need to pay for make-up, dress and lodgings (also a free meal they can toss in since its usually an event around food)
(v) I have visited Europe and stayed at my childhood best friend's apartment in gay Paree...
(vi)Botched TWO attempts to scale Mount Kinabalu...(this is so depressing...)
(vii) lost 17 kgs of weight;
(viii) Met Kak Teh and Blabarella and am happy to report that they are wonderful ladies and more than I have imagined;
(ix) Helped wih TWO reunion dinners and loved every minute of it;
(x) became Makcik Kantin for a badminton and football tournament and loved every minute of it; and
(xi) reconnected with so many people from kindy to uni...thanks to a jewish lad with a curly mop of hair who invented a little thing called "facebook"

HELLO 2010 and here's to a year of fulltime BLOGGING!!!

Testing2x 1,2,3

2009-12-30T17:31:00.001+08:00

Testing the waters.

Is anybody out there (echo2x)....hehe.

Guess its safe to come out to blog :D...

The New Adventures of Irfan and Aunty Wa: The Beginning

2009-04-09T00:12:00.005+08:00

Wow...it seems a lifetime ago last I blogged.

Honestly I have been meaning to write but as always the case, life takes over - the drama, the solitude, the hoi polloi and of course, facebook, which was so attractive and sexy that I forgot my humble friend, the blog...for a while at least. Until the urge to spill arrives, further coaxed by a friend who told me that she missed my jottings (you are so sweet Zed!)...here I am - back where it all started.

After my XXth birthday...okay - who am I kidding...my ho-hum (nope still can't do it!) B day, life dawned on me like never before – well, AGE dawned on me actually. The creaking of my bones never was louder, what ails me don’t heal as fast, my skin needed a double dosage of moisturiser,my hearing seems rather testy - well you get the picture. BUT in place of all that seems to be changing with the advancement into a new decade, I gained (not pounds! Thankfully!)a little thing called wisdom – this wisdom is not of the clever/smart variety but one gained after having many, many “exposures” to the folly and finicky aspects of life.

I also gained a “son”. Yes – I am now a semi-mother. Since January 2009 to be exact. I have taken charge of my nephew, Irfan.

He now stays with me and I am responsible for his care and schooling -24/7. Truth be told I didn’t know what I was in for when I decided this in October of 2008. I do not want to dwell as to the “why-s” and “what-s” that resulted in the situation. In time and in the course of the journey of this blog – it will flow naturally I guess.

Irfan is the son of my youngest sibling. Unfortunately – things did not work out between him and Irfan’s mum. At the tender age of four, Irfan became a statistic and experienced the fate of being a child from a broken family unit (I hate to say that –but that’s what it is essentially). Shy of two months before he was to enter the world of primary education – a decision as to his schooling still could not be amicably reached.

Something just struck in me as I was about to go to sleep one night in October 2008 –and just like that – I called my parents at about 12.30 am and told them that I would take care of him and see to his schooling needs. After convincing them, my parents were sold on the idea and we later spoke to Irfan’s parents. In November, all was settled. Irfan will be living with me.

Foolishly thinking that I am “just” taking care of his educational needs- I was proven SO wrong. I needed a crash course on Mothering 101.

To be continued…

Reality 2009 - Into the New Decade

2009-03-05T08:41:00.002+08:00

I have been meaning to jump start my blogging efforts but due to commitments and the advent of Facebook - I have not been very diligent. Will do from now on - it will be journal and a chronicle of sorts, of my journey as a caregiver and as a single woman still finding her feet in this world.

InsyaAllah!

My first blog via mobile

2008-10-11T22:49:00.003+08:00

sad. My forrow Mt Kinabalu project was not to be. Trying to see the wisdom of it. Anyway i am so chuffed with kuya who will be ascending at 2.30 am. U GO GIRL!

What a weekend

2008-07-23T10:14:00.003+08:00

Almost 3 days and I am still in a daze over what I thought was hitherto not possible. The football match at Sekolah Sri Petaling where we, the Class of 80 (did I mention that this is my PRIMARY school Alumni?) equalized the scoring at 2-2 with the Class of 83 is still reverberating in my mind. Through the efforts of a bunch of VERY committed alumni members – we managed the impossible – to form a football team and hold a football match – comprising of our schoolmates from primary school!! Its hard enough for a secondary school alum to do that ! During the match whilst looking at the faces of all the “girls” and “boys” that came – I knew it was a very, very special moment.

Even when I was at Sri Petaling – I knew that I was in a very special place. Everyone was kind and nice to me (as I was from an all girls school and boy was I freaked!). The teachers were superb and outstanding. Plus we had a canteen that served the best nasi lemak in PJ (or so it seemed). Girls & boys of all races got along well. My best friend was Kwinnie – I never saw her as anything else. We got into scrapes like you wouldn’t believe! I traded my lunch with Komathi (who taught me how to kill lice in our hair with our own fingers during Bahasa Malaysia period). I ran around with Amos & Simon. Played Charlie’s Angels whilst waiting to be picked up during “sekolah petang” with anybody who would care to join me (BTW I always was Kate Jackson – the smart and not so sexy one!).

There were three alum meetings held prior to the football match. I couldn’t make it to all of the meetings but wild horses couldn’t stop me from attending the match last Saturday. It was history in the making and superbly played. It was held at none other than on the field where I fell and scraped my knees, got tackled and caught in our many2x Police & Thief games during recess. Boy – the memories came flooding back and the emotions almost floored me.

The gals seemed to get better with age compared to the guys…It was hard recognizing the faces of the guys at first but there were some who seemed to have stood the test of time. Within minutes of arriving – I was happily chatting away with everybody.

After the match some of us adjourned to the mamak nearby to re-hash the game and reminisce over ye olde school days. It was 11 pm before I knew it and had not my bladder threatened to burst – we would have stayed on.

There are rumors afoot that we will be taking on the SSP 82 and SSP 75 alums next….Whatever the future holds – SSP 80 ROCKS!!!

*Warning: The above posting was written by a VERY biased (and old!) SSPian

Time to De-Bag

2008-07-09T17:24:00.005+08:00

If I am not who I am now- in an alternate universe - I would have been an excellent Bag Lady. (you know the semi-sane ladies toting a huge bag and trolley full of "goodies" in Hell's Kitchen of the Big Apple).

Since my uni -days (meaning where I didn't have to approach FAMA- those on scholarships would know what this means- for moolah to buy what my heart desires) - I have been buying affordable bags of all shapes and sizes, which catches my eye and fancy...It doesn't help that everyone who knows me will buy me bags as b'day gifts - so much so - approaching forrow - I am buried knee deep in bags.

I have bags for all occassions and by that I mean MANY bags for EACH occasion. I have dinner bags of all shapes, color and dimensions. Bags for mountain climbing. Bag to put my diving gear in. Day packs for light trekking. Fanny packs given by well meaning friends (who do not realise that I already have a generous sized one!). Toiletries bags which comes free when I buy a favourite perfume or skincare. Bags my mum hand down to me as "harta pesaka" (read : Glomesh!). Hippy style bags which you thought looked cool in that "rasta" phase....me oh my...I feel rather faint already....

Lo and Behold - the time has now come for a major de-bagging exercise....Yes - I am giving away my treasured trove of bags - some of it wrought with memories of a holiday, an afternoon tea with a friend or a night where I danced till I couldn't even walk after ....

This exercise is made much harder as I am a "collector" of sorts i.e. I accumulate stuff (but not yet to the un-envied status of a hoarder!) and loathe to rid of them...But give them away I must...from the littlest of purses to the gargantuan of carry-alls - I shall be giving away to deserved individuals who needs to enrich their ordinary lives with a bag or two...:-))

I have, after all, to make room for a bright and shiny Longchamp tote bag which is SURE to be mine come August 12th 2008!

Going Dotty

2008-06-27T17:37:00.002+08:00

Ahhh...a fresh start...its time for a change.

What do you think of this metamorphosis....?

I like it - its kinda funky!

Angst Venting

2008-06-19T18:50:00.003+08:00

Today is just one of THOSE days.

Dejected. Cranky. Snappy. You get the picture.

A major reason is nature. I am about to hoist my "red flag" soon and my hormones are whizzing (at least in my imagination!) in all directions. Tidur tak lena. Makan tak kena. And then it hits. Deep serious thinking mainly about where the direction of my life is heading.

Its funny because about less than 6 - 7 months ago I thought I had my life mapped out pretty well. I thought I had found the person to be my partner in life. I had changed jobs and have a great boss and the pay was not too shabby. I was about to enter a sea of calm.

Then it started to unravel.

My big boss - the reason why I left my old job and took on the new one - left.

The person whom I thought will share my life - left (for eternity).

From then on - life is more of a coping strategy rather than actual "living". Remembering the Al-Mighty and concentrating on my spiritual side has been a great help. But I think a little of my usual "spark" is missing - I think its gone for a holiday.

These random thoughts of life, death and whether I am wasting my time in an office pen pushing ultimately leads me to think about where my passions lie. I have to give this a serious thought because my spirit is not getting healthy in my current space. Perhaps venturing into an environment doing something that I love with people I like would be the way to overcome this stupor.

Anyways - it feels good to vent. And for what I am today and what I have physical, mental & spiritual - I profusely thank Allah SWT.

Tall Tale of A Tote

2008-06-17T18:21:00.007+08:00

Its gonna be downright ugly! There will be "fat" shed!

Look out Zed! Here comes LifeBloom giving it all she gots!

Okay... simmer down cowboy! *Phew*

________________

I had to start with a little pizazz - being a Drama queen and all!

Okay heres the 411 - I & Zed have made a pact last Friday. Its been a few months that we have been languishing in weight-loss wasteland. Our efforts are waning to dangerous levels. Time for intervention.

Was hit with a eureka! moment whilst MSN-ing her last Friday. Zed will be in KL in August for a conference and we will be meeting as besties are wont to do.

IDEA: Make weight loss process a competition - also in honor of Zed's son whose birthday will be on 08.08.08...we decided that the minimum weight lost should be 8 kgs. The person with the most weight lost on 12th August 2008 will win a LONGCHAMP TOTE!!!! The cost of the tote shall be borne by both contestants!

*I'm dreaming of a gleaming longchamp, a tote to carry all around....may my dreams be granted as that bag is coveted....may my dream tote bag wish come true...* (Please sing to the tune of Bing Crosby's "I'm dreaming of a White Xmas")

LET THE GAMES BEGIN!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

Nb. Zed has posted some lovely totes on her blog on the same subject...but what I had in mind was less pricey - hope she's not disappointed with my choices :-) - it's from the foldable Le Pliage range... great to serve as an emergency fashionable storage space to lug those lil extra's....We will definitely look like Kate Moss catching a plane in a hurry toting these beauties!

Starry starry nite

2008-06-13T11:09:00.007+08:00

It hasn’t even started, and I was already silently shedding tears.

That was how powerful the visuals were in the opening scene of P Ramlee The Musical (PRTM) – at least to me. It validates what I have thought and felt on a subconscious level ever since I first saw my first Bujang Lapok movie and heard Dimana Kan Ku Cari Ganti.

I absolutely adore P Ramlee. Unabashedly.

By sheer stroke of luck, I was invited to PRTM theatre show at Istana Budaya last night with a Grand Circle Corporate ticket, no less. Prior to this windfall, I was debating whether to catch the show or not, Alhamdullilah, the issue was resolved for me in the best possible way.

Dressed in my most Datin-like kebaya and my “benefactor” in a chic black ensemble – we made our way to seats 29E and 30E at the Grand Circle. Smack right in the centre, where we were seated was a great vantage point to drink in the night’s performance.

Since this is the second run, there were some changes in the main casts. The indomitable Sean Ghazi has made way for a guy who made the local dinner circuit impersonating the mannerisms of P Ramlee – Musly Ramlee. And AC Mizal’s sister in law Emelda Rosmila replaced Datuk Siti Nurhaliza as Azizah, P Ramlee’s first love. The rest of the main and supporting casts remained status quo.

I do not wish to go into too much detail of each and every scene – coz it would be tediously boring (and frankly I don’t have the patience OR time!) – but will illustrate and review the high and low points of the show.

The star of the show was …..(drumrolll)…THE AMAZING SET!!! Conceptualised by Raja Maliq – it took my breath away. Cleverly using current technology and coupled with Raja Maliq’s brilliant creativity, the set was the silent star of the show and helped project the emotions and connect the audience to a time and place before they were even born! The highlight for me was seeing an actual steam train on stage…whadda *%$#! The train was then “split” in two and became the setting of an ensemble number telling the story of his historic trip to Singapore from Penang to become a star at Jalan Ampas.

Athough Musly eerily captured the voice and mannerism of P Ramlee to a T – he still has a long way to become a good actor. Sometimes its not enough just to look and sound like the person you want to portray – but rather whether you can convey their emotions to your audience. There were moments where he captured it really well – e.g the quarrelling scene with Melissa Saila. Melissa- who as Norizan brought out the latent actor in him. Other scenes – was more for like seeing a very good impersonator play P Ramlee. All things considered and the fact he had to shoulder the responsibility of bringing P Ramlee back to life – Musly was a good choice to play Ramlee.

Azizah, played by Emelda was tepid and rather forgettable. She is more of the TV series mould. She was great in Manjalara the TV series (but as the fat Manjalara – not the thin one later in the series!).

Junaidah, played by the ebullient Atilia Haron (Salamiah Hassan’s daughter) was up to mark. She was cheeky, vivacious – but not much jealousy was shown. (Junaidah was said to be very jealous and that was the reason she and P Ramlee divorced). I read Atilia’s interpretation as timid and not willing to share Ramlee who was a rising star and was idolized by his fans and admirers alike.

Norizan, played fabulously by Melissa Saila (Mariani’s daughter and Saloma’s niece) brought the house down. Domineering to the hilt – she portrayed Norizan (in her younger days) as controlling and insecure who finally left P Ramlee after realizing she was in love with his star persona rather than the man himself.

And finally, Saloma, brought to life by Liza Hanim (whom I always thought as a nondescript singer who never really made it big as the likes of Ning or Datuk Siti..even Misha Omar for that matter) was fantastic – the voice, the walk – well everything – was in character. She has the makings of a triple threat. Her voice was mesmerizing and chockful of emotions. One could feel her longing for Ramlee and her elation when he was finally hers. Her timing on the comedic parts was also impeccable. She should concentrate on theatre especially musicals.

Kudos to Enfiniti for putting up a great production. It was spectacular on a Malaysian scale. The most poignant moment was when Musly sang “Dimana Kan Ku Cari Ganti” – there wasn’t a dry eye in the house. I think everyone has a little place reserved for P Ramlee in their hearts. This homage to him is truly wonderful in introducing a new generation of fans to his body of work and genius.

PRTM has proven Malaysia has the chops to produce works comparable to those at West End and/or Broadway. I have seen some shows at the former and trust me – PRTM is just as good if not even better.

Which begs the question – why oh why some of our movies are SO bad……. THAT is another story!

A short one

2008-06-12T15:36:00.003+08:00

Guilty of not posting. I have one post underconstruction - but tak siap2x lagi...So until that materilaises- here's a short and sweet one...

Dishes I want to learn from my mum

(i) Roti bawang
(ii) Kueh kodok
(iii) Bubur pulut hitam
(iv) Pengat Pisang
(v) Buah sepang
(vi) Kelepong
(vii) Goreng pisang (the unique batter)
(viii) Puding gula hangus
(ix) Rendang betik muda
(x) Rendang ayam
(xi) Rendang paru
(xii) Rendang daging
(xiii) Rendang ayam and kacang panjang
(xiv) Gulai daging salai
(xv) Gulai lemak cili padi (the perfect one)
(xvi) Sup fishball & yong tau foo
(xvii) Sup tulang
(xviii) Ikan siakap pais dalam daun pisang
(xix) Pajeri
(xx) Masak asam
(xxi) Gulai singgang
(xxii) Sambal tumis – sotong kering
(xxiii) Steamboat
(xxiv) Chinese beef steak
(xxv) Puding gula hangus
(xxvi) Agar2x santan
(xxvii) Kueh lapis
(xxviii) Kueh koci
(xxviv) Kueh lompang

LAPARRRRRRRR....................

Takut Ada Malu pun Ada....

2008-04-09T18:07:00.003+08:00

Dear oh Dear…

Too little too late – is it humanly possible to lose 10 kgs in 3 days?? Reason I am all a flutter is that I will be having my primary school gathering this Saturday to discuss the possibility of a reunion dinner at the end of this year….

I will be meeting with the children I played “Police and Thief” with, the rascals who sang to me “Fatty 2x Bom2x Curi2x Jagung” (cos I always let them down during the tag games), the girls I played “batu sembang” with and the first people who witnessed my first public singing engagement (Close to You – The Carpenters).

It all started innocently enough 2 weeks ago when I was arranging for my Directors’ Training by calling up some lawyers to conduct it. One of the lawyers turned out to be my old classmate who is now a partner of the firm. He must have recognized my name in the slew of written communication and shot me an e-mail to ascertain whether I was his old classmate from SSP.

Of course – I cannot “lari” already…So I replied his e-mail and before I know it I am on the SSP 80 Facebook and has said yes to helping with the reunion!!Looking through the list of people on the alum list – was quite an eye opener – there were some pretty prominent Who’s who on that list! Suddenly feel like pulling out pulak…so overwhelming laaa.

The great thing is through all the re-uniting that has been going on – I managed to find my “best-est” friend from the age of 10 -12 – Kwinnie Khoo. Kwinnie now lives in Paris and works in the House of Givenchy (which dressed Audrey Hepburn in the movie Breakfast at Tiffany’s). Although an uber designer now – in my mind she is still the petite pinafore-d determined girl who always asked me to stick up for myself and always had my back. Her claim to fame is helping Lawrence Steele with Jennifer Anniston’s wedding dress! And – yes – she has been to all the glam parties with supermodels like Naomi, Linda and Cindy.

Apprenhensive at the prospect of this Saturday meeting – you bet I am!

Post Update: I sprained my ankle during training at FRIM that Saturday morning - and could not attend the alumni meeting - divine intervention??? Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

The Princess finds her Prince

2008-04-08T17:10:00.006+08:00

Angah @ Wendy Ng, one of the PPGs, got hitched last Saturday with celebrations that followed till the very next day. Yours truly even sang two numbers at the wedding.

I was blubbery when the kompang sounds reverberated whilst Angah was being guided by the pengapit extraordinaire, Ms Coral Mermaid..(Coral - you were hands down the most capable pengapit!) to be enjoined with Asri as Raja & Ratu Sehari…. . I was misty eyed – thinking of the journey that brought her to this juncture, the trials and tribulations which ended with her finally meeting THE ONE fated to be her husband.

Their love story could be turned into a best selling novellette – for starters Asri ACTUALLY saved Angah from drowning on one of our diving jaunts in Redang. And NOW we know why…:-))

Here’s wishing Angah and Asri years of happiness and marital bliss. May you be blessed with a baby PPG soon!

Brunei Breakaway

2008-04-04T18:05:00.005+08:00

It was really spur of the moment that I decided to visit my dear Azura in Brunei (Bru). Azura (or Jur as I fondly call her) is my best mate from my Uni days in the UK - we did our degree and bar together. She is in Malay my teman "eat one plate" and "sleep one pillow"...in short she is already like my own sister. We have been MSN-ing a lot lately and since there was a bonus holiday recently i.e. Maulud Nabi - I decided to make a long weekend of it by taking the Friday off and spend it with her in Bru.

Jur is actually a Malaysian from the Land Below the Wind- Sabah. She is very generous, gentle & soft spoken but with a determined streak- very manis orangnya. She has this really lovely extended family made up of her own plus gran, aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews in Kota Kinabalu - one of my very favourite places in the world - whom I regard as my own relatives.

As luck would have it - she married a Bruneian (a country which I always suspected she had a penchant for cos she kept rejecting males of Malaysian descent - hehe). She now makes Brunei her home. Together with her charming hubby Sham - they have an adorable little boy, Danial Izzat, who strangely loves the Japanese language...

The last time I went to Brunei was 10 years ago to attend Rahayu's (another friend from UK days) wedding and I had the unenviable experience of losing my luggage at the Bandar Sri Begawan airport!! So it was with some trepidation that I waited for my luggage to appear at the carousel. After almost 20 mins of the same sparse number of bags making its rounds - finally a kindly gentleman told me that I was probably at the wrong carousel ( he could have detected my anxiety and panic - it was THAT palpable!). True enough - I was at the WRONG carousel and after 5 mins I located my bag at another carousel. Phew!

Upon seeing Azura - it was as if we were in UK all over again - except that she was carrying Danial and there was another guy driving her around - that would be Sham - heh heh. We made a beeline for Aunty Ani's house and after being warmly greeted by Aunty Ani, Aunty Zarah and Bung Yam - I headed straight to the kitchen to cook mee kari - one of the highlights of my holiday was to eat all my fave foods (pre diet maaaa) and Jur had requested that I cooked mee kari which was her favourite dish (besides anything with cockles in it!). Mee kari was one of the very few dishes that I did well (a long time ago lahhhh) . Suspense jugak - takut tak sedap. With Edna's (Aunty Ani's maid) assistance - the mee kari turned out alright...Alhamdullilah....

I stayed with the vivacious (and single!) Aunty Ani during my time in Brunei as Jur lived with her in laws (I was segan to impose on her in laws although Jur insisted that I could stay there). For the first time I saw the inaugral AF6 episode in Brunei!! And when AC Mizal said "Apa Khabar orang di Brunei Darussalam"...I was ACTUALLY in Brunei!!!

Brunei reminded me of Malaysia in the 1980s - very quiet, leafy and not many cars around. Development is gentle and not manic like in KL now. There is little or some traffic. What the Bruneians call a traffic jam is the line of cars in front of my house on Friday nite making a beeline for One-Utama! Its predominantly Malay with some Chinese and Indians. The "in" shopping centre is the "Harrods" of the East called "Hua Ho". Not much action like in KL or Singapore - but I sort of suspect that these wealthy Bruneians do not shop locally - they go to London, HK, Spore and KL to spend their buckaroos.

Notwithstanding the quiet scene - they do have nice jaunts and eateries here - high quality as they are catering for the expat community as well. Jur took me to Fleur de Lys - a sinful cafe serving the best gelato on the island of Borneo. Also this great little gem of a shop where they served great bakso and Ayam Kalasan. I requested to eat the famous ambuyat - the starchy "fondue" of the east...It was quite an experience! But I really enjoyed the meal.

In between we re-connected (and ate and ate and ate) - reminiscing on our Uni days and catching up on the latest in in our lives. We both love music and we just click on a lot of things. She was personally responsible for introducing to "good taste and quality" Before that - I was clueless with a capital C. Jur doesnt follow fashion - she creates her own style and has a fantastic eye for clothes, bags, shoes...

The break was over too quick. I was taken care of very, very well by my Brunei hosts and now I am hankering for them to come to KL for a return visit...So, in June/July this year perhaps???

Salam Everybody

2008-04-03T15:45:00.005+08:00

Hello ....

Let me introduce myself - my name is Hazwani.

I am Aunty Wa's lovable niece...

I am 11 months today.

Look at my picture - my aunties and

Tok Mi forced me to pose like a little ustazah and they kept shrieking at how cute I looked. I just wanted the photo session to end quickly so that I can get to biting my favourite toy - the rubber chicken which Aunty Wa bought me.

Next time I post something here it will probably be my 1 year old photo. (Although my birthday is on 3 may, I will probably be sharing the celebrations with my Abang Irfan on his birthday which falls on the 1st of May - shucks!)

Goodbye!

A journey begins

2008-04-01T12:10:00.003+08:00

D – Day. Tomorrow. 2-4-2008

After nursing a bout of cough and losing quietly about 8 kgs by cutting out late night dinners – the time has come for me to commit to a health plan.

It was an ambivalent road to get here. Penuh dengan pancaroba. I was thinking really hard about where my life is going before making this decision. I finally concluded that wherever I am going – I must be in optimum health (or close) in order to arrive at my destination. Much thought, planning happened before I finally committed to this decision.

About a year and a half ago I joined a local bank famous for its long hours and drudgery – I could not stick to my gym hours as I did before – culminating in me gaining 15 kgs within a space of 10 months. Since changing jobs and joining an Islamic banking group for the past 8 months– the hours were kinder – and close approaching my big four-oh! - I somehow experienced an onset of maturity and a better attitude towards eating and life in general which has brought me to this juncture.

I realized that if my weight loss is going to stick – I have to do it for myself. Many a time in the past the loss was in the cause of something or for someone. Ultimately –when my affinity for the reason wanes, the pounds will pile.

I have decided that enough is enough. I am going to take it one day at a time.

However within this one and half month I have to up the ante on the weight loss and training as I will be going on an adventure holiday in May 2008.

The target is a 15 kg loss by end May 2008. ( after this - i will take it easy and naturally)

As I am very heavy now – it will be quite easy to drop the pounds. I know that this loss is not healthy by medical standards but InsyaAllah,berkat doa dan usaha (and pantang makan!) serta berbekalkan keyakinan – I will muster the strength and focus to attempt this.

I will be keeping a journal of my days and nights from 2 April 2008.

Stay tuned and wish me luck!

Dubai Daze

2008-03-17T10:31:00.007+08:00

Hmmm....I forgot to blog about my trip to Dubai ...Was there from 13 - 18 Feb...Now that I got some of the pics - boleh lah "story"..

My oh my - my jaws dropped at the speed and size of development there...Imagine if you will that there are a 100 KLCCs being built at the same time...THAT's how rapid the development is in Dubai. In addition to the THREE palm projects there is of course the soon to be tallest building in the world Burj Al-Dubai...I get airsick just looking at it...

I stayed in a "boutique" hotel but there was nothing remotely boutique about it except its small size ...It did not even have coffee-making facilities! It was however conveniently located near Deira and Naif. There were also some bizarre moments like the first time my eyes set on Ski Dubai - in a shopping complex no less. Also the freakish feeling of shopping in Marks & Sparks and looking out to a vast expanse of sandy dunes outside.

Good (read: cheap)Asian food was sorely lacking - I was up to my eyeballs in Briyani. Kambing, udang, ayam in various stylings...Actually I couldnt tahan the smell of the aromatics - bila it hits my nostrils terus rasa nak uwekk. So after my 2nd briyani - I just stuck to capati/roti. Cant blame me for wolfing down a plate of Thai kway teow (at AED32 per plate) at the airport prior to departure...It was SO great to finally sink my teeth into some oriental noodley goodness.

Another great aspect was the desert safari. My parents in their early 70s and late 60s - dug in the experience and contrary to the expectations of a barf-fest - we held it all in. Even my mum did not mind to do it all again - Yeay Mummy!

All in all it was a good trip (save for a sandstorm which is responsible for my omni-present dry cough) - one that opened my eyes to the wealth of the Emirates states (Dubai is home to 18,000 billionaires). One could almost smell the money in the air.

For my small and shallow pockets - I could afford to only window shop and buy a trinket or two for loved ones back home. Things were not that cheap. The standard of living is VERY high attributable to the influx of rich poplulace all over the world making their home in tax free Dubai.

The mid eastern bug has bit me - insyaAllah next time it will be Morocco and Abu Dhabi! (pockets permitting!)

Pics:

(i) With sponsors of Dubai trip :-))

(ii) Hustle and Bustle on Sheikh Al -Zayed road

(iii) In the deserts of Dubai - taking a break from the roller coaster 4WD ride - tudung in disarray (siap nampak leher -ish.. ish!)- sands actually blowing..tgh makan pasir..hehe

Tak Hensem Lagiiiiii....

2008-03-14T15:48:00.006+08:00

Last weekend I went back home to cast my vote at Kg Ulu Kundur, Chembong, Rembau. Yep - the infamous Parliamentary seat that went the most famous SIL this side of the world....whether it was won in the "right" way - remains to be seen - there are some rumblings on the vote re-count procedure - well we shall see...

What I want to talk about is the mishap that befell my nephew...Irfan - he calls himself Afan ( it may well be Ah Fan courtesy of his Oriental eyes inherited from his mum's side) on a fateful evening last week.

I have always had my reservations on the safety standards of our malaysian fun fairs - emphasis had always been on the "fun" aspect rather than the boring safety requirements. This fact was proven true when Afan had his lil head slammed onto a "steel" steering wheel of a dodgem car at the local travelling fun fair in Senawang...As a result - he suffered a swollen blackened eye, with a bloody gash at the corner. His veins of his left eyeball popped and stained the whites. One would have thought that the steering wheels would at least be plastic or rubber coated. But of course, these "additions" would be sacrificed- in the name and interest of economics...

I was not prepared for the "physical" sight of my maimed nephew....he looked like he suffered a shrapnel wound...not unlike those kids u see on tv following an Israeli missile attack on the Gaza strip...I was already in half tears fearing that his eyesight would be compromised etc...After sobering up - my Dad told me all the necessary tests was conducted on my nephew results of which gave him a clean bill of health; and besides the ghastly looking wound it was my nephew's ego which suffered the most damage...

Huh??? I didnt understand until my Dad told me that the first thing he said to his Papa (my brother) when the accident happened whilst clutching his injured eye:-

"Papa - Afan tak hensem lagiiiii...Afan jadi orang butaaaaa...Tak de org nak kawan budak tak hensem macam Afannnn..."

I just had to laugh out loud..Thats my vainpot nephew for you. Anyhoo, I am happy to report that he is happily jumping around and making our lives crazy - as is usual.

Alhamdullilah.

Pic: Irfan in "Gangsta-mode" pre-accident. He has threatened to disown me if I took his photo "masa tak hemsem".

Its A Wonderful World...Today

2008-03-10T12:24:00.004+08:00

The air is crisper

The sun is brighter

The grass is greener

The heart is lighter

As the wind blew

The cobwebs and stench of yesterday

Alhamdullilah

We have found our way...

The Cycle

2008-01-09T19:03:00.000+08:00

There is one major problem about loving.

You risk the pain of losing.

The pain I experienced losing someone close to me on the 14th of December 2007 was searing. The realisation that all your hopes and dreams are wrenched asunder makes you stumble blindly and fall. And the cloak of hopelessness envelops your soul like a black thick sheath...I felt as though I can't breathe. The air around you suddenly becomes dry, arrid and desolate. I was utterly alone. For a moment I was terrified that I will never be happy again.

Suddenly like a burst of light your spiritual side awakens urging you to take charge of your emotional freefall...I catch myself in time muttering "Allahu Akbar" and I submit to His will and trust in His plan for us all. Solat and reading the Quran is the perfect salve for the soul.

Almost a month to the day of Arwah's passing - I convince myself everyday that I am okay - but sometimes I wonder whether this is just a mantra I keep repeating to myself in order to get through the day.

At times I try to make sense of all thats happened. . Maybe thats not what we are supposed to do. This has ALL been pre-ordained by Allah SWT. As His dutiful servants, we must accept and redha with His decree.

Alhamdullilah I have Him by my side guiding and loving me and not to mention all the wonderful people, family & friends who love and support me through this time.

Thank you so much....May Allah SWT bless you and yours in wonderful and magical ways...

Selamat Menyambut Awal Muharram 1429.

Baby An

2008-01-07T12:19:00.000+08:00

This is Baby An....Mai's second baby - born in July 2007.

Isn't she a cutie??? Mai is having her hands full with both Don and An...Luckily her mum is around to help - but soon Mai's mum will be returning to Hanoi for Tet. Leaving Mai alone to cope with both...

Mai - miss you much!

Lowick's Lair

2008-01-04T14:19:00.001+08:00

Happy (Gregorian) New Year!!

I rang in the New Year lying horizontally – weakened by a bout of purging and earth-shattering migraine. My last thought before blissful sleep overcame me was how in the hell am I going to drive to Cameron Highlands (CH) in this state….

Syukur Alhamdullilah…the grace and mercy of Allah SWT knows no bounds..I was up early on the morning of 1 Jan 2008, fresh and well rested and ready to take on the world!

Bags packed, house cleaned – I then waited for the Seremban party to pick me up en route to our holiday destination at Bukit Lowick. The holiday will be our first family holiday in years with the “cucu-s” joining the fold….yep – Irfan (who goes by the Red Indian name of “He Who tests One’s Patience”) and little Hazwani is coming along for the ride with our K Long (who is my nany's daughter but practically family to us now) also joined in the fun!

Due to all the baby paraphernalia AND holiday baggage plus other contraptions for 8 adults – we had to go in three cars! The journey up was not very merry…It was winding and spirally and the rain did not help. We took the Simpang Pulai way instead of the Tapah route as many said it was less crowded and safer. It seemed to take ages …………and silently I made a promise to myself that this is the first and last time I will be going to Cameron Highlands….

Finally at 3.15 pm we reached the town of Brinchang….and thereon made our way to Bukit Lowick. After taking two left turns - we drove a snake-like trail lush with foliage for about 3 minutes when a clearing adorned with rose bushes greeted us. Lo and behold there was a little brown bungalow greeting us in all its quaint splendor.

All tiredness and silly thoughts (especially the one about this being the first and last time I will be coming to CH) magically evaporated.

Mrs Wong, the bungalow’s caretaker greeted us warmly and after we unpacked she announced that tea is served! The spread was complete with scones and homemade strawberry and orange preserves. For dinner Mrs Wong prepared a delicious steamboat and the next day we had a proper English roast beef dinner with trimmings!

For the time that we were there, oh how we lazed around, read (finished AG's GUiT!), ate and slept to our hearts content whilst re-connecting and catching up. Save for one or two trips to stock up on fresh strawberries or buying news papers to read the saga of the ‘exposed’ former Health Minister, we were loathe to leave Lowick. And despite a little scare given by Hazwani (who vomitted excessively on the first night which caused all of us to stay up to monitor her) , we had a lovely and brilliant time.

So it was with a heavy heart that we left Bukit Lowick ….but never fear……….. WE SHALL RETURN!!!

My Little Angels - An Intro

2007-12-26T14:46:00.000+08:00

Good things come in small packages…the adage goes… So I will enjoy these little “packages” while they are still…well…small…

When tiny little Irfan was born – he was like a wizened mini Chinese old man. Little black squinty eyes, flat nose and sprouting hair at the sides of his head was amongst the more prominent things I remembered about him. He was very fair and had these red splotches on his cheeks and buttocks. He also had these strangely arching brows which looked as if it was painted on.

I remembered the moments leading up to his birth clearly. His mother had already labored for 17 hours in Penang on the 30th of April 2007 and understandably all was anxious for the first grandchild on our side to be born…It looks like he will for certain be born on Labour Day, 1 May 2007 - a befitting day – commemorating the universal rest day for all laborers – well deserved especially his mother- after all that HARD laboring! Alhamdulilah – he was delivered into the world on 1 May 2002.

I think the word “impish” best described him then and especially now. He is very cheeky as little boys are wont to be – Alhamdullilah Allah SWT bestowed on him a love for books (am not so sure about his penchant for reptiles though!). You can always find him poring over his favourite Animal and Reptile literature collection if he is not too busy playing battle with his Ultraman of all manner, shape and sizes. He is keenly awaiting for the Cicakman figure to be released – (I have to convince KRU to team up with Mattel - quick!)

His loves chicken drumsticks, gulai udang lemak kuning, ketam rebus and cekodok pisang and cannot be parted from vitagen grape flavour. He hates durian and eggs with a vengeance.

In May of this year, we were all joined by another little baby – Hazwani. She was adopted by my brother when she was only 5 days old. Oh she was a quiet one…always sleeping..a good little baby was she. But since she has now entered into her seventh month – it looks very clearly that she has a willful personality and wil probably be the youngest black belt karate. Irfan who loves to kacau and smother her has had a taste of her “claws” and little “jabs” and hair pulling. Now everytime when he makes a beeline for her – she will “screech” as loud as her little lungs could allow her – probably an attempt to alert everyone to remove her from the scene..haha.

She looks more and more like her biological mother as time goes by. I hope she grows up to be a doctor or a surgeon. There are just too many lawyers in the family…heh.

Farewell, my love

2007-12-17T12:53:00.000+08:00

Now I know...

Why you changed so much,

Why you tried to push me away.

You were preparing me,

For the moment that we will be apart,

Forever.

Sayang,

You taught me about love and loving,
Patience and Sacrifice, Trust and Understanding.

I will miss you every day..

But my life is all the richer

For having known you.

Rest peacefully, my dearest.

You are home, free...

Al-Fatihah.

Rambling on....

2007-11-13T18:51:00.000+08:00

Long time no blog. Wished I had something smart to write about- like Blabs - who is so erudite- or Mak Andeh or K Teh - who put such cache and emotion into their writing that you could almost experience it yourself...

Of late all of my energies are concentrated on the production of our Annual Report - the editing, the proof reading, the translating - are all driving me up the wall....As a result - I feel as if my social life has stopped - and when I did take a break - its on account of being unwell. Hopefully the process will end tomorrow when we finally sign-off on the last and final draft. After that I need to take some days off to regain my balance and sanity.

I will be attending my advanced creative writing class...It was supposed to be last Sunday but Beth caught the flu and had to re-assign the class to this coming Saturday. I gave Beth about 5 pages of my "travelogue" through Berlin in Autumn 2005 as my writing exercise - which reminds me that I have yet to send Mai pressies for her and little Anh.

Have also been neglecting my healthy eating and exercise programme. Frequenting Tako Tao, Beard Papa's and Cuppacakes of late ----- HELPPPPP!!! Once in a while when I dare glance a tad longer at the mirror and took in my expanding southern regions - I make a mental note to seriously start on my programme....InsyaAllah this Thursday. Am seeking solace and inspiration in Dr mehmet Oz's "You on a Diet" at the moment.

Other than that - I strive everyday to be a better muslimah, daughter, sister and friend.

Blog-tiquette?

2007-10-29T18:32:00.000+08:00

I have to confess that I am quite green in blogging etiquette or whether there is any in the first place...

So this is the story - I stumbled onto somebody's blog featuring a local dish which my family truly loved. (I remain suspect to this day whether the dish I make almost every Raya is authentic)..I introduced myself to the blogger (who appears quite outgoing from the way she writes and represents herself) and asked whether she minded exchanging recipes. Being the chatty sort that I am - I think I had a slight attack of "word diarrhoea" and probably went a little overboard with my recipe that gave in exchange for hers.

Its been a few days and she did not respond to my comment. She has started a new post since then on another topic. To be fair, she did not respond to others as well in the post in question but then again those comments required no response.

Frankly - I feel quite weird about it. This is the first time I have been "snubbed" by someone in blogdom.

Is this the norm? Should I apologise?

Well - there's always a first in everything....C'est la vie!

Media blitz??

2007-10-18T18:23:00.000+08:00

It seems that some of the people i know are being touched by the media in some form or the other.

Started with my lil poppet. She was a Project Runway contestant. Althought booted out in the 4th episode - she is now a stylist with Tattler and selling her signature designs like goreng pisang panas at Isetan....

Saf my 85 sister was next. She was featured in the Sept-Oct issue of Flavours and wrote a interesting piece on rendang which made me salivate in the process. Proud of you girl!!

Then Faizal - Ina's hubby who was interviewed for close to 5 mins on RTM1 because he was on flight duty on first raya...

Lepas tu Kuya - another dear 85 sister who had almost 5 pages of coverage in Nona (the latest issue with Erra as covergirl). Girl....you are smokin....!

Then today, my ex-trainer, Cam and his buddy Fayz featured in NST in respect of their new futsal place in One-Utama. Good on you guys! With your natural good looks and charm - you will bring Padang to its deserved success!

Who will be next??

Selamat Hari Raya Minal Aidil Walfaizin

2007-10-11T12:43:00.000+08:00

Wishing all visitors to my humble blog a very happy eid-ul-fitr. Maaf Dzahir and Batin should any of my scribbles in this space offended any of you. May you and yours have a peaceful and wonderful time with family and friends revelling in our triumph over the challenges of the past month.

Ramadhan has indeed been, personally, a truly riveting time. I have developed emotionally and spiritually through this blessed month and insyaAllah I pray that my hopes and dreams will be fulfilled.

It is also my birthday on the 2nd of Syawal.....Double happiness...!

Take care everyone and drive safe!

Imej Baru Sempena Ramadhan

2007-09-13T11:46:00.000+08:00

This is how I look like from 1 Ramadhan 1428 onwards.

What do you think?

Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan Al Mubarak

2007-09-12T18:13:00.000+08:00

Salam everybody.

Allow me to take this opportunity to wish everybody a blessed and meaningful Ramadhan.Hope we use this month wisely and multiply our good deeds and ibadah. Let it be our most wonderful Ramadhan ever! InsyaAllah.

Maaf Zahir dan Batin.

Of Pu3 and Her 3Ds

2007-09-10T16:02:00.001+08:00

Its rare (well, Never! actually) that I devote a posting to a fellow Blogger.

But in this very special instance – I must.

The first moment I met Pu3 was when I bought a pair of Guess jeans from her, to help contribute to the “fund” she had thoughtfully set up for her friend (via her blog Royal Jester) who was widowed way before her time and had three young mouths to feed….As expected Pu3 in person was a vivacious, talkative and very pretty and fashionable to boot!! She didn’t look as if she had endured two pregnancies at the time. I felt an instant connection to her and as I hugged her goodnite when I sent her home somewhere in the Wangsa Maju area (is it…??? Can’t recall lah…) – I knew this lady is special with a very big heart. You see, I have a knack of spotting these things…

That was about almost a year and a half ago wasn’t it, Pu3??

Yesterday, I again re-connected with Pu3 after what seemed ages. Since I saw her last, Pu3 has moved homes and added another lil’ D to her brood. The reason for my visit was to purchase the tudungs displayed at her online shopping arcade ( Free Plug Alert!! Discount for next purchase okay, Pu3??!) which was modeled with “panache” by her adorable second “D” - Danil.

When I arrived – I was awestruck by the décor of her townhouse – this lady is in the wrong profession – she should have been an Interior Designer (“ID”). The chandeliers, lighting fixtures, the sofas, the mirrors, the timber dividers right down to the place mats were elegant and carefully chosen by Pu3 who I think gave meaning to “living life in the moment” . She obviously took pride in her home and it really shows. Did I mention that she is also selling Raya cookies?? This – in addition to being a loving wife, doting mother to three young sons. And she also had time to play host to her English friend, Leo who was in Malaysia en route to Australia.

Pu3 served a most scrumptious lunch consisting of sambal prawns (that sent Leo running for a glass of air sirap!), sayur tauhu goreng, tempe goreng and cencaru sumbat belah belakang. She also then served coffee with my pitiable offering of Dunki*n Donuts…All this while juggling her three sons lovingly, giving instructions to the maid etc etc.

I had a chance to dukung and play with the third D – Daril - who had the dreamiest eyes and longest lashes I ever saw on a child that age!! And although I tried to accommodate the first D – Danish by blowing a beach ball – alas lung capacity Aunty Lifebloom tak cukup sayang!!!

All in all – I am amazed and impressed by this young enterprising mother whom I now look upon as a friend and younger sister....I was genuinely sad to leave Pu3’s warm abode…(so much so I had to return again to get my mobile phone which I left on her shiny piano in my haste to try on the tudung!)

Thank you Pu3, I really2x enjoyed your hospitality and hope to return it as soon as I can. (BTW – hope you remembered that I shall be consulting you as my ID for my new house…..kan?? Kan??kan??)

Ku Ingin Riadhah Saperti Dahulu

2007-09-04T18:03:00.000+08:00

God…! I am as far removed from physical exercise as Sahara is from Antartica.

It all started with an injury during Rachel’s wedding in March (I think!). Slipped and fell. Thought nothing of it until I couldn’t get up from bed the very next morning (without the aid of a 1 tonne metal crane). I was practically immobile.

The doctors told me that my rambunctiousness resulted in a torn loin muscle….More to the point – it had to be that significant piece of muscle connecting my loin to the joint at the top of my legs….The muscle needed to heal and in doing so – NO exercise or strenuous activity was prescribed…hooray I thought – until the period of inactivity stretched beyond 3, 4 months and I now have the body to prove it….

MCM, Underwater orked and Gamat Gal I think have all given up on me. And you know I don’t really blame them. I blame the %#@&*^ muscle!!! Me??? I am blameless man!!!

Truth be told – I really miss it. Yes – the exercise. Really.

So, malam ini I will be strapping on my sneakers and re-starting the engines. Hopefully propelling me to lose the LBs in time for a Raya Kebaya.

InsyaAllah.

Little Poppet

2007-08-28T08:19:00.000+08:00

The first time I saw my little poppet she was crying inconsolably in the arms of my Atok's eldest cucu, K Long. Courtesy of her Dad, she had porcelain transluscent skin and gorgeous brown ringlets.

After that they left for Swansea and when they returned, the little poppet was all gangly even at 4.

She always loved to draw and she could literally produce little comic books whenever we came to visit. A happy child, she found joy in everything. Then things took a sad turn, the little poppet had to deal with harsh realities of life as my K Long's marriage ended. Drawing became her solace and provided a refuge. But she was always upbeat and sometimes a bit annoying to her Aunty Wa and Aunty Kina - always asking questioning, wanting to know this and that.

What was apparent to me early on was that she was very single minded, about being a famous fashion designer. We took her half seriously - although she could draw - I wondered how she would cope with sewing...

K Long remarried and little poppet went to the UK. We made her swear not to turn to an orang putih tak sedar diri when she 's there. She did her A Levels and then Fashion Design at reputable school in UK.

Fast forward 7 years, the little poppet is launching her own design on 5th September 2007.

Little Poppet - you have come a long way - we ARE so proud of you. We wish you well sayang!

Silap Pilih

2007-08-27T08:38:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was such a kelakar day.

Me and Ms Curly Mop lepak-ed at my home after I got back home from Seremban and she after a gruelling gym session. We decided to have a late lunch. I had a thought in my mind - that instead of makan kat luar - I just buat maggi kari and if we are still hungry we can have egg sandwiches later (courtesy of some left over from the day before). This is because MCM's idea of an exotic lunch is sayur masak rebus and sambal belacan.

So my jaw dropped when MCM announced that dia teringin nak makan at this steamboat restaurant yang terkenal dengan sos cili thai -nya dan harga yang tinggi macam Twin Towers. Knowing what a Salty-booger-thrifty person (yikes - it does not translate well!) she is - I was rather amazed but nonetheless agreed.

So dalam kepanasan tengahari tu, me and MCM drove to BSC and menapaklah ke restaurant itu....We sat down in its cozy confines and surveyed that the patrons were mostly from the Bangsar surrounds and probably loaded to the gills.

We did not want to eat that much - so buffet was out. But mak tuan - when we looked at the ala carte prices - we almost fainted - each plate of meat/fish almost averaged at about 8.50 per plate. Buffet was at RM48++ - so what the heck - decided to order buffet for two as it seemed a cheaper option.

However, upon closer scrutiny - we realised that the buffet steamboat excluded things like prawns, beef etc and we would have to order separately if we wanted the items - this casual lunch could end up being above RM100!!....I looked at MCM forlornly and said "Actually I wanted to make you Maggi just now..." and then with a light shining in her eyes, she said "EH! That was all that I wanted to eat!!!"

Guess what - we all scooted out of that place macam tak cukup tanah!! We laughed bagai nak rak.....Happy that we escaped the so-so meal at a hefty price....

I then proceeded with some shopping at Cold Storage and when we got home - I made shabu2x - with enoki mushrooms, fishballs, kailan,dried tofu, noodles. We opted out the meat and eggs as we wanted the the meal to remain simple. MCM even rolled her sleeves up and made the kicap lada api sauce with lime juice. Mmmm...kecur pulak bila ingat....

The meal cost us only RM7.50 each (at the most) (with infinite helpings - mind you!). That made the meal more delicious!!

nb. Apparently MCM "thought" that I was exceptionally hungry and since she was a fan of soup and vege - she felt that we both would relish the food at the steamboat place....Sorry C*C*!!!

Diamonds Are Forever

2007-08-22T12:49:00.000+08:00

18th August 2007 started as a nerve wracking day. Uncertainties abound. Unable and not daring to believe that the dreaded day has FINALLY come.

Yep...Its performance day....

One would think that alumni events are supposed to be stress free sessions where you meet your friends - yak to your hearts content - goss and catch up on what has been going on since you last met (which could be 22 years in Watape's and Linda Mahat's case!!) In short - its supposed to be a breeze. But NO...I just HAD to be that "Leave it to Beaver" - slap on your thighs - I can do it- kinda gal and put myself through the anxiety all over again......

This time - however- the measure and purpose of my performance will be different from all the others that I have done. K. I*a had the "brilliant" idea of me starting the show with a Shirley Bassey number which incidentally was also our theme. In short I was the opening act (hence - setting the tone for the nite - in front of two Sultans and one Raja Muda!!). If I sucked - the whole 60th Anniversary entertainment segment would also follow suit.

So you can understand why nervousness and stage fright was an understatement!!

Believe me - I had begged, cajoled and pleaded K. I*a that I could not carry that monumental task (for I am just a timid mouse at heart). But being the trooper that she was - she told me with a blank and straight face that I could and that she had faith that I will be great at it too!

Can you just imagine the pressure I was under - everytime I looked at K I*a's and K *in**'s face during practice sessions - I could almost sense their worry but they never for a moment doubted me and they kindly convinced me that whilst teaching me how to prance sexily and do the ala-Bassey moves...

So - when finally the moment came - dressed and made up to the nines by the indefatigable Suzie - I suppose I had NO choice but BE Shirley Bassey on stage. For that few minutes I commanded the attention of the audience. But strangely enough - I could not remember what I did - my mind registered a blank the moment I stepped on stage. The next thing I knew - I was bowing to applause and I got off stage as fast as I could.....

It is with much relief and delight, that the performance was well received. A few VVIPs conveyed personally to me their appreciation for my efforts. Syukur, Alhamdullilah, the dinner went well and all of us girls had a lovely, lovely time.

Thanks to K I*a, K **nd* and K *a*za* - for without them I wouldn't have the conviction to entertain, my sisters of 85 who cheered me on like nobody's business, *a*a***z who was my singing partner in "I know him So well" and last but not least the intrepid Suzie (she had the unenviable task of turning me into a glittery persona for the night - see pic), who told me in no uncertain terms that the crowd was there to see me sing and I'd better darn well give them what they want!!

Looking back - the night was really quite perfect.

Pic - courtesy of Watape. Thanks!

Still Aretha, Not Quite Alicia

2007-08-13T18:15:00.000+08:00

Yes...I am doing it. All over again. Don't ask how I got suckered in like a twice-sprouting-banana.

I am doing this for my sisters, my batch of 85ers. For my beloved kakaks. In commemeration of how far we have all come. And to the future and more.

The thing is - I have always envisioned myself an Alicia by the time I perform on stage.

Yet against the odds (hah!) I am STILL an Aretha.

But hey - look on the bright side - she won like a gazillion Grammys and was the first woman to be inducted to the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame.

Not bad, what......

Intermission

2007-08-13T12:30:00.000+08:00

"....love must surely reside in the gap between desire and fulfillment, in the lack, not the contentment. Love was the ache, the anticipation, the retreat, everything around it but the emotion itself"

- from "The Inheritance of Loss" - Kiran Desai (2006)

I found this recently, to be very, very true.

Un-glue me please!!

2007-08-08T13:35:00.000+08:00

I feel stuck. (Uh oh ...Caution: self-deprecating and whiny blogging head...)

In my mind's eye - my limbs are frantically waving and flailing all about - but I am not moving in any direction ...why I feel like that aaaaa...

I will be entering a new decade next year - InsyaAllah - and I feel like I have not achieved anything noteworthy. I don't have kids (or a pet). I don't have a husband ( I thought I had this cornered but that went kaput about a month ago - and out with it are my life plans) . I haven't reached my ideal weight of 54 kgs (I am laughing inside - hysterically - that number is SO like touching the sky!).

You get the picture. I am angst-ridden. With a capital A. I know I risk being lambasted for being an ungrateful a*se...But its just that I feel with all that Allah SWT has bestowed on me - I should and could have done better upon my coming of age....so to speak. They say that we peak at this age and it will be pretty much downhill after this...ya ke??? Dah tu - why do I feel that the best is yet to come and the world has not seen the best of me??

Its scary thinking that you will never be able to do the things you want and are meant to do.

Burt and Hal was on to something!!!

2007-08-06T16:25:00.000+08:00

I'll Never Fall In Love Again
Burt Bacharach / Hal David

What do you get when you fall in love?
A guy with a pin to burst your bubble
That's what you get for all your trouble.
I'll never fall in love again.
I'll never fall in love again.

What do you get when you kiss a guy?
You get enough germs to catch pneumonia.
After you do, he'll never phone you.
I'll never fall in love again.
I'll never fall in love again.

Don't tell me what is all about,
'Cause I've been there and I'm glad I'm out,
Out of those chains, those chains that bind you
That is why I'm here to remind you

What do you get when you fall in love?
You get enough tears to fill an ocean
That's what you get for your devotion.
I'll never fall in love again.
I'll never fall in love again.

What do you get when you fall in love?
You only get lies and pain and sorrow.
So, for at least until tomorrow,
I'll never fall in love again!
I'll never fall in love again!

Its been a while....

2007-08-06T07:51:00.000+08:00

Its really been a long time. So many events have happened.

Amongst others I have left my old job at a well known local bank and joined an investment holding company which have stakes in several syariah compliant financial services company. Been here for over a month...very different from the old company where I was...

Anyway - hopeful that I will seriously blogging from now on.

Floodgates

2006-10-13T00:16:00.000+08:00

Trying times indeed.

Today I did what I swore I would not do. I buckled under immense pressure and had a "moment" releasing pent up emotions (read: cry). Yup, the office toilet is beginning to become an escape hatch/safe haven and witness to drama of late.

I have been innocuously bottling up the pressure and it has been building stealthily Vesuvius-like for the past two months. Finally, it had no choice but to erupt. Believe me - I fought with all the strength I had NOT to get that way. But I suppose the trying episodes of months past led me to the moment - a good cry was long overdue and it was to be expected, really.

The usual army of sturdy and friendly shoulders were not immediately available and there I was no endorphin-less relying only upon my internal reserves which was running on empty.

Afterwards, I had a tough time explaining to people about my puffed up appearance and red eyes with the sharp intake of breaths in between (you know - the ones that comes after a good crying session). At last - the haze was useful for something!!

But, darn, I felt SO good afterwards! Like a desert after torrential rain - there's nothing like a good bawl to help clear your nasal passage, sinuses and brain.

BRING IT ON!!!

POP Goes the Button!

2006-10-04T20:59:00.000+08:00

There is nothing like a popping button to remind you that the fat old days are here again.

It happened today and luckily I had some thread and needle to do an emergency sewing session in the ladies room. From then on - things just went downhill.....

Somehow, somewhere I knew this would happen. I would lose a lot of weight, maintain for a few months, get complacent and eat. Exercise was my savior - but since its Ramadhan I haven't been exercising at ALL....No amount of fasting can get you firmed up my dears. Its the good ole combination of exercise and kurang makan (pure physics - less in, more out) that will do the trick.

So, while this expansionary stage played out - I was the unwitting bystander - numbed by it all. All I could do was just sit there (my inner-self that is) and watch as my outer physical self morphed into shapelessness....my waist felt thicker these few days. And where art thou, were you o hipbone....my usually pointy jutting chin was getting fleshy on me. And as for my tulang selangka, lately suka main sorok2x with me.....In other words - I was getting rounder and less angular as Ramadhan progressed...

The weight has not moved that much. Its the fitness (or the lack of it) which is depressing (and changing!) me. For someone who used to go to the gym every other day - living in this body these days is a very unsatisfactory state of affairs.

However, I have to say - on the spiritual side of things - I have never been happier. I feel emboldened by a new injection of religosity - (is there such a word? Bantailah!). Is it because of Ramadhan? Well - I just hope it lasts beyond this beloved month. I always feel good when I am fully connected to my spiritual side. The happiness is more fulfilling and lasting.

All these goes to show - that we can't have everything I suppose. Whichever way I look at it - I am truly blessed. For what I have in this moment in time - I cannot complain. Mesti bersyukur.

Because all that we have might be gone. Faster than we think.*

* That said - yours truly will still have to reach her goals by year end!!! InsyaAllah.

Ramadhan Reminds Us

2006-09-28T07:29:00.000+08:00

For the past few weeks it has been rather tumultous for me. Eventful.

Event 1
We lost a colleague in an incident about two weeks ago which until today leaves all of us with unridden angst. Wondering why was she had to go in a very senseless accident which could have been avoided. Had the authorities done their bit.

You are in our prayers, H. May you rest in peace and be placed among Allah SWT's faithful and loyal servants.

Event 2
A fellow blogger and friend encountered some trying moments before she left for the UK. I was worried as she is with a baby - but Alhamdullilah - everything is looking up. Allah SWT's grace never leaves you if you remember Him.

Event 3
My brother who suffered a cracked rib and broken clavicle due to an accident a month ago took a turn for the worse. He had an infection problem which threatened to shut down his system. His problematic heart wasn't doing him any favours as well. For a moment - it was touch and go. Alhamdullilah - the family pulled together. The love and unity pulled my brother from the brink.
Human life is so precious and so frail - having lost a friend and nearly losing my brother made realised this fact deeply than ever before. How we can be taken away from the bosom of our loved ones in a split second. For me now, its about making every moment count and to foster love and kinship however I can.

I was looking- I mean REALLY observing my parents the other day and I noticed how much older they have become. My mum has more grey strands in her hair than usual. My Dad is responding slower to our questions. His hearing is not so good. They both scare the hell out of me when they get sick. I guess a child will always think their parents as invincible and by that meaning they will be around for you indefinitely. As an eldest child - I become more painfully aware that I have to keep my family together no matter what happens.

My brother and sis-in-law is living with us now as their house undergo renovation. I have never insisted that we eat together at meal times as we have busy lives and we will have the tendency to eat where and when as we please. However, yesterday I made the request that all of us try to eat together as a family during the fasting month.

Sitting at the table with everyone as we were about to berbuka, a sense of accomplishment came over me. I did it. I brought all of us together. As we laughed and traded stories during iftar, I looked at everyone around the table. I felt light as a feather and happy as a clam.

Alhamdullilah. For the blessings of Ramadhan.

Post blog entry - 3/10/06

My uncle passed away on Monday 2/10/06 at 6.30 a.m. in the arms of his wife before undergoing bypass surgery. Ayah A, your wisdom, laughter and compassion will remain in our hearts and minds. Al-fatihah.

My new PDA Phone

2006-09-23T12:19:00.000+08:00

About a month ago an old school mate made me an offer I couldnt refuse. She said she was selling her O2 Atom PDA and asked whether I wanted to buy it.

A brand new one was retailing for about RM2900 - nearly RM3k. I will never be able to afford that! So when she wanted to sell it to me for RM1800 with a very generous repayment plan. I said OUI - almost immediately.

So last nite I was up all night discovering the joys of a handheld. And I must say that I think its the just simply the best.

Should have bought one - ages ago....!

The Buck Stops Here

2006-09-09T23:28:00.000+08:00

Buck, won't you stop?

Its time.
You know what you have to do.
It has been a long while coming.

Why do you pretend that it will go away.
When you know it wont.
The scales, the clothes - they wont lie to you.

I know why.

Its not easy admitting that you can falter.
That you are just human.
That you fall by the wayside.

I know why.

Its difficult to start over.
To pick up the pieces.
To begin the journey.

All over again.

Buck, I know you.

You can do this.
Even though it seems the hardest thing.
Even if the whole world is laughing at you.

Coz you got IT in you.
To see this through.

You will get there.
Yes, you will surely do.

Work or Life

2006-09-09T17:04:00.000+08:00

Phew...Finally time to breathe.

Since I returned to work about a month ago - my life has been turned topsy turvy. My life was not my own anymore. I was literally spinning out of control. All that I knew - I suddenly didn't.

If not for my faith, family and friends - I would have gone bonkers.

August was; to say the least - a VERY trying month. I kept asking myself - did I do the right thing? Is this what I wanted to do? Everything seemed so far divorced from my expectations. At times when things got so crazy - I just wanted to go somewhere and forget about everything that anchored me to my life.

I SO wanted to be transported to a beach somewhere. Sitting on pure white sand. Staring out to nothingness. Watching the blue sky meet the azure seas - where the lines blur to become one and all you can see is a huge expanse of endless horizons. To empty my heart, soul and mind of connections to deadlines, obligations and duties.

To be true to myself. Doing what I loved doing. And all that I was destined to become.

Nevertheless - I always held on to the belief that Allah SWT never gives you a test that you cannot shoulder. Despite the feelings of helplessness and bouts of sheer immobility, I know instinctively that this challenge will turn into something which will be ultimately good for me. Allah SWT gave me little signs along the way this past month which was truly miraculous and eye-opening.

It was as if He was saying - "Hold on - I am here with you. It will be easier - but you must have courage and faith to see this through"

InsyaAllah.

I will not let You down.

Waaaahhhhh...So Lama never Blog...

2006-08-19T23:50:00.000+08:00

The reason is quite obvious and was very well hinted before.

I have re-joined the land of the listless, zombie-fied, grey humanoids. They have masks for faces, wear dark attire and never see the sun. They will eventually forget that they have a life and will have squinted eyes and shaky hands if not careful.

Okay2x - shoot me for being OTT...But that is what my life is reduced to these days.

It was excruciatingly, hellishly difficult for me to return to work on 1.8.2006.

After four months of:-

(i) doing flop-all nothing
(ii)Lying around and loitering
(iii) Lunching wherever and whenever while people gazing.
(iv)Telenovela and sinetron soaking.

Reality hit HARD. Now:-

(i) To get free and hassle free (read: near) parking - I arrive at 6.45 am to work EVERY single working day.
(ii) To catch up and imbue my brain with knowledge on money market, derivatives, bnm guidelines, SC, ad nauseaum - I start my brain early - 7 a.m.
(iii) To serve my eternally busy boss - I stay at work up to 8.30 pm (most days)
(iv) To finish assignments with quick turnaround time - I even skip lunch (but snack mercilessly - even paper looks good when the edible crunchy stuff runs out)
(v) To polish my work and with no clerical staff, I have had to re-learn all my powerpoint, excel and acquaint with new software applications - at an age where my brain cells refuse to obey my instructions for things technical
WORST of all:
(vi) To have more time - I have skipped my workout and training for the past week (and a half!)
(vii) To de-stress - I have turned to eating and snacking while working. (and I have the love handles and saddlebags already morphing on me....yowzers!)

Ya ALLAH SWT - ONLY THOU CAN SAVE ME!!!!!!

Goodbye Curly Mop

2006-07-27T23:52:00.000+08:00

Come Saturday, 29th July, Cik Curly Mop will be seeking greener pastures overseas. All of us are finally heading off to different destinations. Alhamdullilah, it seems to bigger and better things.

I will definitely miss you, Cik Curly Mop. Thinking of your departure is quite unbearable at this time. I cannot believe that you won't be just a phonecall away from our Starbucks or gym appointments. Who will set me on the straight and narrow...???

You have been a very positive influence in my life for the past 2 years. Supporting me, strengthening my "minda". Pendek kata, I am more "brutal" and "lasak"(in a good way!) sejak mengenali diri mu. Its sometimes amazing to think what I have achieved if not for you.

Knowing you, (if you ever took the time, that is, to read this blog since you are too busy helping others in your capacity as the Chairman of the Lame Ducks society and resident environmentalist!!) your humble-to-a-fault self will probably dismiss my ode as rubbish. But I don't care - here it is- I would not be the person I am today if I did not have you behind me, inspiring me to be the person I was always meant to be.

I will miss:-

the RPMs and gym sessions (looks like its left to us mere mortals to keep the flag flying high!)
your excuses NOT to eat (BTW the book is coming out!)
our time together merapu-ing (the "gym arsonist" remains forever etched in my mind)
your comments on my OTT emotion (jangan sandarkan!)
our swimming classes (But I am sure you are glad at escaping Mr. 20 laps)
your laughter at my "bangang" jokes (sometimes I wonder whether you were laughing out of sympathy!)
your generosity of spirit (and cash!)
your care and concern for me (even though selalu berlagak macho!)
your BIG, BIG heart.

I will remember most:-

your hair
your help and support in facing my parents during the strained times
our Mabel & Sindy days in Hong Kong
your love of diving and how great you are at it already (although we never would have guessed from your first open water dive where I doubled as nurse on duty!!)
the first time we dapat naik Business Class. We were "jakuns" personified.
your love for our feathered and furry friends (and at times slithery and warty) and the environment

and the list goes on.....

Thank you for being there when it mattered and please, please remember to EAT even though we are not around to nag you senseless!!

p/s: We will be employing secret agents to check up on you....

Barring unforeseen circumstances...

2006-07-21T14:40:00.000+08:00

.......It will be approximately:-

10 days.
240 hrs.
14400 minutes.
864000 seconds.

which separates me from my devil may care existence

and

the life of an overworked, stressed coolie trying to make it work out there in the ratrace.

Ayoyo!!! Help!!!

Ikan Di laut, Asam Di Darat

2006-07-18T11:50:00.000+08:00

There is so much interest garnered by the recent bethrohal announcement by Siti N and Datuk K (and that is putting it mildly!) - that I can't help but discuss it here and provide my two cents on the issue.

My sis was devastated. She is very sure that the Datuk will "mempersia-siakan" Siti.
My mum was also shocked. To her, Siti "ambik laki orang".
Even my maid was stunned. When I asked her opinion she said "Saya tak sukalah kak dia buat macam tu. Kesian anak2x Datuk tu"
And the best part, I heard the Datuk's ex-wife is a diehard fan of Siti's.

So where will all these opinions land Siti? Will she suffer for her choice?

Honestly speaking, it really does not matter because in my opinion - she is REALLY happy. She has given so much, endured so much that I think she deserves the right to make her own decision on who she intends to spend the rest of her life with. Although her choice would seem wrong at EVERY angle to the naked eye, somehow I believe that this choice is her destiny.

Every mind is thinking, why spoil the perfection??? She should have ended up with Fazley, that handsome, young, highly educated, rich doctorate holding singer who has helped her all the way to the RAH in London. And I am sure this decision did not come easily for her and her family.

But - that is the irony. She is NOT perfect and she will have to live her life and make her own mistakes.

Those of us who genuinely appreciate her talent and hard work, lets all pray that she will be blessed with happiness and bahagia ke anak cucu.

A re-cap

2006-07-16T03:05:00.000+08:00

As far as 1st day performances go, I think I did ok.

Save for waking up at 10.30 a.m. and missing subuh & the Kiara Walk, I pretty much stuck to the training and eating schedule.

So just now when I brushed my teeth and looked at the mirror, I couldn't help but notice...that my dagu is a tad sharper. Looking down..mmmm...my perut pun felt a bit tighter...

Ceh! Perasan!

Mulanya di sini...

2006-07-15T01:05:00.000+08:00

15th July 2006. The clock starts ticking.
____________________________________________________
TRAINING SCHEDULE

6.45 a.m - Power Walking at Kiara Hill

11.00 a.m - 3.00 pm - Cardio Work out, Aerobics and Strength training.
____________________________________________________
FOOD

8.00 a.m - Fruit salad & Protein Shake

10.00 a.m - Apple

12.30 p.m - Protein Shake

3.30 p.m. - Protein Bar

7.30 p.m - Beef Stir Fry
______________________________

InsyaAllah!

Going to War

2006-07-13T20:06:00.000+08:00

It is a fate worse than death (it seems - at the moment!). What most women in my position fear and dread. All that hard work slipping away....

Yup - I am talking about the insidious and slither-like phenomenon of weight gain. Oh yes - I tried denying it, alright. Giving myself all the excuses in the world for slipping and going back on all the well-meaning promises to myself.

With head bowed, I confess - I had resorted or rather reverted to the refuge of comfort eating (yes..lots of refined carbs!) and only exercised for two hours the past one week and a half...This was not at all helped by my bout with fever and flu which had me staving off my usual training schedule....

As I glanced surreptitiously at my waistline and the flesh of my arms whilst mourning the loss of my hard-earned muscle tone, I feel demoralised and highly unsettled. But I have no other choice but to cope AND accept this very real aspect of the weight loss process. You topple off the band wagon. You get sick and stop activity. Even the most well prepared, well meaning, well intended succumb to this malaise.

All this is haunting me in a BIG way - since I am about to embark on my second date with the mighty Mount Kinabalu in about 45 days. I have to dust myself after this nasty fall from the proverbial bandwagon, and get back on track. PRONTO.

God. Can I do it?? Its like going to war. I hope I have enough artillery and ammunition to ward off temptation. All I know is that quitting is NOT an option.

We will see what happens. Watch this space.

The Day After

2006-07-13T18:32:00.000+08:00

I thought it would never end...The endless cycle of hammering headache, blocked nostrils, dripping mucosa and feverish shiver-me-timbers...

I was in a living hell for the past 5 days. Only this morning could I say with absolute certainty that the fever has broken. The fever escalated my little headaches into full blown migraines. And it has been quite a while since I suffered one. As a result of the excruciating pain, I had to block out all the light in my room and suffered (read: vomitted) painfully on my own and rode the pain out. Believe me - its an agony which I wouldn't even wish on my worst enemy!

Alhamdullilah - its all history now. Life was a blur for the past 5 days. There is still a dull pain in my head but its manageable. Can't remember what I ate during those pain- filled agonising times. I vaguely remember frying some fish crackers but I don't think I managed to keep it down. My sis bought me some fried chicken but that went out the top hatch as well. At the end I think only some slices of green apple and oranges managed to sustain me along with a LOT of tepid water.

Now that the storm has subsided, I am left to deal with the debris of its aftermath.

Strewn clothes all over the place with piles of mismatched laundry. Mountains of used tissues (urgh!). An unmade bed which looked like an elephant stomped through it. A hurricane-hit bathroom.

Other than a massive spring cleaning which has to be undertaken very2x soon - everything seems to be fine.

Diving In

2006-06-19T15:29:00.000+08:00

These days I am always greeted by shrieks and gasps by acquaintances and friends. Partly perhaps I "shine" too much in my tanned glory causing them to squint painfully or partly because they realised that it was me and not a long lost African relative wanting financial help...

Yes, my friends...I TAN easily. But for a VERY good reason. I went diving. Logging in 6 dives in 3 days, I have FINALLY got in in my brain, heart and soul - I am a DIVER.

In my rush to replace my olde "couch potato-esque" life, I have started to activate my life. Those who are privy to my previous posts would have noticed this errm... alarming trend. So what can be more adventurous and risky than - well - diving. Armed with trepadation and 4 lessons of swimming under my belt, I went for my licence last April and thankfully passed.

So the recent diving trip in June was my maiden sojourn as a licensed diver after two months. Plus having bought a primary diving equipment called the BCD at a hefty price, I thought it a good idea to flex my diving muscles and well - "hone" my skills.

It went okay at first, the grey skies were replaced with sunny blues the minute we arrived. The sea was calm and optimal for diving. However, it soon became clear to my DI (diving instructor) that I was not in the "zone". Obvious clues - I had suddenly forgot how to change my tank, I did not know or even the least bit curious about what the gadgets on my BCD were for and worst- gasp! I had forgot to bring my dive planner and logbook...

I think he had about enough when my finning technique went out of sync and drove my buddy nuts who had to drag me down almost consistently.

So, on my 2nd night on the island, during dinner, we had THE talk. He told me categorically that I have to be committed and engaged if I wanted to dive seriously. After listening and letting it all sink in I finally had to admit that I did not perhaps have the "diver" mentality that other divers seem to possess uncannily...So after a very frank and truthful exchange, I went to bed that night with steely resolute and determination.

The next day - my confidence buoyed by the infusion of a new sprit, I did well on the last two dives. The last dive which was my first reef dive was absolutely smashing and fantastic. The visibility was superb and I honestly did not want to surface and let go of its beauty.

A year ago I was just a spectator on the side of a swimming pool in PJ watching two colleagues of mine being tested for their confined water dive. Today - I am one of the lucky few who can bear witness to the glory and wonder of Allah SWT's creations in the underwater world.

I can't wait to get back!!!

The Princess and the Toad

2006-06-17T00:25:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time in a land far, far away lived a beautiful Princess. She was tall and willowy and from afar her tresses were like spun gold.

Although the Princess led a joyous existence and spent many merry moments in her royal court and played in the palace gardens all day long with her 6 trusted maids, the Princess yearned for happiness and longed to find her one and true love.

One sunny day while she was sitting on a bench pondering on her future, she felt that something was observing her. She looked around but could see nothing. Suddenly she felt a swish of air and something cold landed on her hand. She looked down and shrieked!

There was a forlorn-looking toad perched on her hand. The toad was in a sorry state. Dark brown with warts, it had a bulbous head and croaked miserably.

In those days, princesses had the gift of understanding the language of beasts be it big or small. Before too long, the toad revealed that it was actually a prince and that only a princess who had the courage to kiss it despite its ugly appearance would break the spell.

The Princess was not convinced of this. It was inconceivable that somebody as noble as a prince could be inside this hideous toad.

The toad asked that the princess return the next day to the same spot so that it may be able to prove its sincerity. True to its word, it showed the princess that it was not lying and despite herself, the Princess began to spend more time with toad.

Each day the Princess' feelings for the toad grew stronger. The toad entertained the Princess with his jokes and tales of other toads which he had befriended from a slimy pond nearby before it met the Princess.

As the Princess was about to make the life changing decision to kiss the toad and finally find her true love, something unexpected happened.

The toad realised that he missed his toady friends and wasn't sure whether he wanted to be a prince after all. He found that he missed the slimy pond and its inhabitants. He knew that he did like the Princess well enough but he just could not bear to be parted from his toady existence.

The Princess was beside herself and thought that she could not bear the pain of not being with the toad. She then took a good long look at the toad and realised that the toad was actually a selfish and pompous amphibian who only thought of itself. The Princess, you see, had shared her hopes and dreams with the toad and the toad had made a mockery of all that was dear to her.

Suddenly she felt strong and realised that she was, after all, a royal princess and there were many, many princes in nearby kingdoms who were willing to slay dragons just to be in her exalted presence.

She realised then how silly it was for her to ever think that the toad could make her happy.

As she was about to leave the corner of the garden where she and the toad often met, she suddenly stepped on something cold and squishy.

To her horror, she realised that she had ended the life of the toad.

"Oh, well - too bad...!"

And she skipped merrily into a brighter future....

THE END

Ode to Oprah

2006-06-15T14:51:00.000+08:00

"I thought I just liked potatoes. It took me a long while to realise that the reason why I stayed fat was because I thought myself not worthy of all the things that I owned and the life that I led...."

This was what Oprah owned up to in her show. Those revelations came out from a woman who literally has the entire world at her feet and can buy two islands with her spare change.

In the show titled "Why I Hate Myself" - the show's resident psychologist, Dr Robin Smith says that when we do something to destroy ourselves ranging from overeating and overdrinking to the seemingly innocent pastime of gossiping - we are actually expressing self-hatred and gradually moving away from goodness to become better beings.

The show centred on three individuals Lee, Lauren and Tracey who are mothers and focuses on the reasons for their unhappiness. Lee is an anorexic, Lauren put on 100 pounds in the past year and Tracey who lives a fairytale life feels like a cheat and don't think she deserves her good fortune.

All three women are connected by a common thread: they hate themselves and are slowly on the path of self destruction. Their self-hatred manifests itself in the destructive habits they take on and are affecting their children. Unbeknownst to them their actions are already forming their children's perception of life and may have altered their children's potential of what they would have become in the world.

To me that is simply HUGE. We go on in life thinking what we do or don't do only affects us but children are really taking it all in and they form their outlook in life by observing what happens around them all the time.

Although I am not a mother myself, I thought that show was a priceless gem to every woman.

The reason why I stayed fat all of those years was because I thought myself unworthy. I didnt deserve to wear great clothes, do great things because people like me are MEANT to be on the sidelines. Cheering people on but not meant to be cheered upon.

It took a long while and much support to come to this stage in my life. But if there is anything I can add to what Oprah said is the power of ACTION. Nothing ever gets done without the power of kinetics. These limbs were bestowed by the Al-Mighty for a reason.

You can talk about having a healthier body, nicer curves, yada, yada, yada but ultimately its the power of ACTION - consistently - which propels the change.

To those out there struggling with your body image- get into the right frame of mind and get into ACTION!

The Owl

2006-06-15T01:01:00.000+08:00

My routine is rather set during these heady days of the WC mania.

After a usually punishing routine at the gym (today I did 4 hrs of workout and my I swear my back is about to break...}- I will usually return to my domain with a satisfactory dinner in my tummy to keep me from munching throughout the match-laden morning which is about to unfold.

I would have taken my shower already and steamed myself like a veritable pau tanjung malim in the gym, you see and will be already set for the comfortable spot I have created in front of the family room 29 inch idiot box.

After downing myself on the luxurious spread out TOTO, I will put on Channel 83. I then proceed to gobble down all the highlights of yesterday matches and go through ALL the live matches - on the channel.

By the time the last match airs - it would already be Subuh and after performing the dawn prayers I would gently lay my pretty head on the pillow and start my beauty sleep - unaware and oblivious that the hard working population of Malaysia is just about to wake up in time for their daily grind.

You can see now why its SO hard for me to return to work. Ahhhh...Life is such bliss....

The ties that bind

2006-06-14T01:11:00.000+08:00

Today was a happy day. (well yesterday actually - because its 1.08 am right now and I am waiting for Switzerland to trounce France in their opening WC match!)

It was a renewal and reconnection of smiles, laughter, touch and heart between two old friends. I had thought my friendship with someone I held dear will be forever altered. During these past weeks I was nursing a hurt in my heart and I have never felt more isolated. I kept praying for a way out because I couldn't stand the pain or to cause pain anymore.

Alhamdulilah the grace of Allah SWT knows no bounds. The emotional drought is over and we are all bathed in the shimmering light of His bountiful mercy.

Comelnya dia......

2006-06-12T02:32:00.000+08:00

Above is the reason why I need to find a job quick so that I can use all of my available funds to board the next flight to Berlin!

Daughter of Neptune

2006-06-11T21:27:00.000+08:00

I always felt like a duck out of water - i.e. when I was in it.

Until last Friday. Circa 9 p.m. T'was a balmy night in a swimming pool in Damansara Perdana.

I never knew swimming (when I finally got the hang of it!) could be so liberating. It was my 5th lesson under the tutelage of my trainer. For the past 4 lessons - I had to admit that I struggled to make sense of swimming. Yeah - I can do the kicks, the coming up for air, etc. But I always faltered and wished the "lesson" could end quickly. Truthfully after I came up for air and ducked under to do the kicks (you guys know the drill!) - I never fail to experience a sense of helplessness and discomfort that I was about to...well...drown...

You find a way to put a face on your fears when you are swimming with 4 other people at the same time who are WAY better than you. Somehow you manage to stick through it - no matter what. So there I was thinking that I will NEVER be able to enjoy swimming like the rest of you waterbabies and left wondering when will the magical moment take place where I will finally be the aqua-nymph that I was always meant to be.

Mercifully the moment DID come and I remember going through it as if in a dream - I was gliding - three kicks and came up ever so gracefully (think: synchronised swimmer-graceful) - and gulped a healthy dose of air and went down again - kicking while floating gently up. I made record time to the other end of the pool (my record - not Olympic record aaah!).

It was simply astonishing. Exhilarating.

And what made all the difference was the fact that I consciously relaxed my breathing and decided to - what the heck - ENJOY swimming. The way the water caresses my skin. The power of my kicks. The flexing of my feet propelling me forward.

Before I could rejoice in my new found watery freedom a little longer - my reverie was cut short by the Nepalese pak guard - "Oi - sudah pukul sepuluh - kakak kena keluar kolam!"

Really. Some people!

Life after Work

2006-06-10T13:01:00.000+08:00

I was filling out a routine form the other day. Some discount card or other at a clothing store and in the space required for info on "occupation" - I was truly at a loss - it suddenly dawned on me that I am UNEMPLOYED with a capital "U"!!! I proceeded to scribble the letters "N.I.L" in the required space. There you have it. I have NO occupation. NO responsibility. NO gaji.

Admittedly a cold hand gripped my insides at that very moment. Although all these weeks since I left the world of the gainfully employed I was doing stuff that I always wanted to do for ages (but couldnt!), I had then simply relegated the thoughts and stigma of being unemployed to the back of my mind.

But when I filled out that innocent little "borang" - it really drove home an unsavoury point. I'd better get cracking to get focused on where my little old life is going. Although I am enjoying this little stint - it is getting too comfortable for my liking.

However reflecting on my weeks of unemployed glory - I can't say that it has not been wonderful.

The joys are endless. Pottering about in the house. Making a mess. Waking up late. Leaving coffee cups and plates wherever I please. Books and magazines everywhere. Going to the gym at ANY given hour. And long, long lunches at the cafes. Watching the world go by.

Okay...okay - besides that I have done something useful. I spent more time with my family. Got my diving licence - hurrah! Did a rough plan of my new cafe (menus, concept, staffing) - slated for opening at the end of the year. Improved my swimming. Connected with my old friends. Got my computer up and running. Mentoring a few buddies who wants to lose weight and get a new body.

I guess I miss working (at times!)...The feeling of being responsible for a function and doing reports (not!). Truly I miss being a part of a team that contributes towards a higher and bigger goal. Also motivating my staff to become better than that they ever thought that they could be. I love the rush when I complete something or that my idea contributes to the progress of a project. Those were the days.

Will I re-live those days again???

June Lovely June

2006-06-01T20:44:00.000+08:00

Whaddaya know??? We are already halfway through the year. Gulp...

June always hold such promise and good fortune for me. I don't know what it is - maybe its the realisation that I really have to pull my socks up lest the rest of the year gallops away unnoticed that I really value and appreciate this time of the year.

To prove a point today I received 5 job offers, lost 1 kg, my parents called me up from Spain and asked me what I wanted (never happened before!!) and best of all my cooking/domesticity mojo came back. Ahhhh....I can see life a bit more clearly now. But it is also a time to take stock and review where my life direction is headed. So rooted in reality I have to own the following:-

I have yet to reach target.
Yet to be gainfully employed.
Yet to put my ambitious organisation plans into action.
Yet to master cycling
....yet...yet...ad nauseaum.

Oh well - I am human after all.

The Night We Cycled to the Skies

2006-04-06T10:31:00.000+08:00

Throw all superlatives out of the window. Forget all comparisons or any attempts to classify THE experience.

The unthinkable, unfathomable, unimaginable took place last night.

Place: A small cycling studio in Petaling Jaya
Leader: 2005 Ironman World Championship Finisher
Follower: 16 individuals comprising of Corporate Executives, Housewifes, Business Types et al
Event: Extreme Spinning (Underground Version)

It was the first time anything like it had taken place. There were doubts that it could have been achieved. Starting out slow with Frankie Goes to Hollywood's "Relax" and ending on a high note with James Brown's "I Feel Good" - we were all taken on a journey and experience like NO other.

We had two hours of pure spinning joy. 20 songs and 2 inches off my posterior later - I am still amazed by the wonderment of this experience. It is very humbling especially for me to be able to achieve this. This may sound stale but I NEVER, EVER dreamed that I would be able to accomplish this physical feat.

But it just goes to show that ANYTHING is possible if you keep on training, focusing on the ultimate goal and using your mental strength to the fullest.

The first hour felt SO long and I kept looking at the clock - wishing for it to go faster. But then I told myself to enjoy the ride, get in the groove and let myself go with the beat of the music.

Ah! You should have seen all of us in action - from 50s hits and Latino beats to Def Leppard and Nirvana - we were rocking it like no other - ON our stationary bikes. Even those who were usually timid and quiet were dancing and moving their bodies!

I was drenched in sweat from head to toe and by then it was only the third song! So you can imagine how I looked after two hours. Tee-shirt pasted onto my body and with cycling shorts stuck like second skin I gingerly stepped off my bike and made my way to the juice bar for some sorely needed refreshments.

Things got quite slow after the first hour - but thanks to our efferverscent leader who egged us on - we got cracking and started to build up the momentum quickly. 3/4 through - I was already numbed and euphoria has kicked in - I didn't even feel the pain in my shins and ankles anymore - shutting my eyes - I was just imagining going up a mountain in the Tour de France.

It ended quite dramatically for me all of a sudden - as I realised that all the spinning, jumping, sprinting on the bike resulted in the makings of a tear in my cycling shorts!! Haha. Too much excitement!

But it was well worth it. The pain, the sweat, the tears.

Every single bit of it.

Thigh Talk

2006-04-06T09:39:00.000+08:00

(Entry supposed to be posted last Saturday)

Morning. Sitting on my worn couch.
Eyes still crusted from yesterday's deep slumber. Looked down.
Caught a glimpse of brown flesh peeking from my nightshirt.

Were those my thighs?
Gosh. They look small.
Well - small-er.
Really. No kidding.

Those belonged to me??
Somewhat shapely and defined.
I cannot help but be transfixed by them....

Was it not sometime ago that they resembled shapeless trunks?
Was it not long ago that my skin had the texture of dried bits of orange peel?
Was it just like yesterday my thighs filled almost half of the expanse of this couch?

How did my thighs get this way?
How did I miss this transformation?

Smooth, lightly toned and honey-brown
I wish I had been there to see you guys change

You have been with me all along on this journey
Thank you for holding me up!!

Life Change

2006-04-05T10:34:00.000+08:00

Happy & Scared. Funny & Sad. Reflective and Anxious.

So many emotions competing in one mind. Alternating and jostling for prime position. You see, I am saying goodbye to dear friends and colleagues whom I have had the pleasure to work with for the past two years.

I try to be jokey, funny and nonchalant about the whole thing....But I still have to deal with the parting. Its going to be hard not being able to go do something on a Monday - when all the nation's workforce is gearing up for productivity (Bergen - I hear ya!). Hard not to be able to see the familiar faces and learn of their antics and not to mention the feeding frenzy akin to a small kenduri every morning before starting work!

But I will now have the golden opportunity to do what I have been wanting to do ever since I started to earn my own way.

- I get to READ - stacks and stacks of half-read books and magazines waiting by my bedside.

- I am learning how to SCUBA DIVE - the PADI manual is plopped on my study table.

- I am taking up PIANO again

- I am going to EXERCISE with a vengeance

- I am learning how to ride a BIKE

- I am stepping up my SWIMMING classes

Its going to be a busy month ahead while I try to cram all these activities. Just going to let it go with the flow....Until I decide I have enough to re-join you hardworking people out there! (or my cash runs out in whichever is the earlier!)

Saying Goodbye

2006-03-31T17:46:00.000+08:00

Today was difficult.
Maintaining a stiff upper lip. That is.

What do you do when someone you love like your sister leaves.
When all you can do is say goodbye.
And all you can think of is how much you will miss her.

Tears could not mirror my sorrow over what has happened.
Although greatly saddened,
I am very proud.
Of her courage.
Spirit. Strength.

I know that she will be fine...
Love is all around I say.
And Allah SWT always
Looks after His loyal servants.

As she clears her desk
And packs her stuff
I talk - nonsense mostly
Because after today
It will never be the same.

But I hope she knows that
Wherever she goes
Whatever she does
I will and always be with her.

Goodbye my dear.
May Allah SWT bless you and yours.
We will always remember your sunny smile
And the laughter.

You are in my prayers.
Always.

My love affair

2006-03-28T10:52:00.000+08:00

Exciting. Heady. Intoxicating.

I am in - deep. And this time I am not sure I can escape. Locked in its embrace - I am its slave and eternal prisoner.

Before everyone gets riled up by my confession - let me just say that the object of my affection and devotion is not even human.

Yes - its RPM. I am besotted, devoted and utterly in love with RPM.

Everyday - I go to the gym ready to be bowled over by its charms. And I leave feeling so good about myself and loving myself even more. Isn't that what love is all about? When I am with RPM - I feel so alive and happy. And in that shining moment I know and I believe I can accomplish and do anything.

However, it was by no means a smooth path for both of us. I hated RPM at first. Our meeting was arranged by two match makers who convinced me that RPM was okay and it wouldn't hurt me. But was I proven wrong - RPM did hurt me- bad and I swore I never wanted to be with it again.

However, as time passed and I got stronger - I decided that I wanted to try to get to know it better. So began my courtship. I stayed on despite what it did to me. Split shins. Ankle pain. Muscle tears. Pins & Needles. Blisters. Sores.

After putting in the hard & gruelling work to make the relationship work - I am happier than ever with RPM. I understand that the baptism of fire is a very necessary rite that I have to undergo to feel its power and positive influence.

And now - I don't think I can live without it. Its a scary prospect when you begin to depend on something for your happiness. But its a risk I am willing to take.

May this love affair reign and never end!

Loving Writing

2006-03-20T08:34:00.000+08:00

I think there were some problems with the Blogger website a few days back, and my blog was affected. Everything seems okay - for now.

Again - anybody interested to experience writer's workshop with Ms Beth Yahp???? Hope there will be some responses - there are only 10 spaces available. I have signed up so that leaves 9 - unless Beth had managed to find people for all 9 seats.....

Beth suggested some literature to prepare us for her workshop and over the weekend I purchased one of the recommended texts - Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg.

Let me you this - I have never gone through a book so fast - I read it in 3 hours. It was so illuminating and spoke to me. Afterwards - I couldn't wait to start writing and flexing my literary muscles. It is written so honestly and beautifully and tells you how to capture the essence of good writing. How to tap and delve deeper into yourself to bring out the story lying dormant within you and share it with the world.

This will be my first experience with a writing workshop and really - I don't know what to expect ....All I know for certain is that this will help me gain some fundamentals in writing - which I am falling deeply in love with each passing day. I seem to need it on a daily basis now and at times I believe it has kept me grounded and sane.

Did I make a convincing case for you to join Beth's workshop???

Hope to see you on April 8th!

A Blurb on Beth

2006-03-16T11:03:00.000+08:00

Calling all budding writers out there.

There will be a writing workshop held by Ms Beth Yahp in April. She has asked that I pass the info. Places are limited - so hurry! There is an early bird discount if you book before 31st March 2006.

The Journeying Self: Travel and Identity

A creative writing workshop on travel and life writing © Beth Yahp 2006
Contact email: bywritingworks@yahoo.com.au
“Beth was a superb teacher who actively engaged and involved the course participants. Kept us interested all the way along. Very eye-opening course—want to do more with her!”
“Beth has been an excellent facilitator of ideas and concepts. She has given us all an excellent grounding in the craft and provided us with very useful and relevant tools for extension activities. Beth’s source material is excellent. I look forward to using the skills I have gained!”
“Opened a new door for me. An excellent teacher. More please.”
(participants at Sydney University’s Centre for Continuing Education,
where this course was taught, July-October 2005)

Course Description
This practical writing course takes the journey as its starting point. It is interested in how journeys shape identity: how the self observes, reacts, transforms or even reinvents itself as we travel through space and time, and how to capture these observations, reactions etc. on the page. This course is for anyone interested in travel writing (journey narratives) and life writing (memoir) that is reflective and engaging, utilizing the skills of both fiction and personal narrative.

The course will consider both the outer and inner journeys of the self: through space, time, heart and mind. You, the traveller, will focus your seeing eye, your heart’s ear. You will share tips, techniques and practices to help you capture their fruits on paper.

The course combines short presentations of ideas/ puzzlements for discussion, writing exercises and class workshops to explore memoir, journal, travel and life writing, and the ways these genres can intersect and enrich each other.

There will be selected readings of hit-and-run travel tales, border-crossing stories, as well as accounts of inner journeys to generate ideas for your own writing, and launch your journeying self on the creative trip of a lifetime. Basic writing craft will also be touched upon: description, character, point of view, writing emotions and states of mind.

Course Details:
Dates & Times: Saturdays 8 & 15 April 2006, 10.00 am – 6.00 pm
Cost: RM450 (including lunch and tea/coffee breaks); students & earlybird registration (before 31 March 2006): RM400
Venue: To be confirmed (Bangsar or PJ)
Pre-requisite: Adults with Proficiency in English
Class Text: Students will receive a Course Reader of notes and readings
Contact: For registration and further enquiries, please contact: bywritingworks@yahoo.com.au

About the Teacher
Beth Yahp, an incessant traveller, has published short fiction and travel/memoir articles in Australia, South-east Asia and Europe. She is the award-winning author of The Crocodile Fury, a novel, as well as a libretto, Moon Spirit Feasting, for composer Liza Lim, which will next be performed at the Brisbane Arts Festival in 2006. She is currently Fiction Editor for Off the Edge (Malaysia). Beth has been based in Sydney, Australia, where she teaches Creative Writing at the University of Sydney’s Centre for Continuing Education and is undertaking a Doctorate of Creative Arts at the University of Technology, Sydney. She will be in Malaysia for a short visit in April 2006.

I want to be RED!

2006-03-13T17:58:00.000+08:00

I feel blue today. Make that most days.

So I wore blue (dark blue, that is) to work today. I thought that the melancholy would not be apparent but my mates at work told me that milk would turn to yogurt if it came within striking distance of my face.....

Droopy, listless, languid, lemah...you get the picture.

I am one of those people who champion positive thinking - in a BIG way. That trait has somewhat deserted me of late and unconsciously I seem to be spewing dooms-like statements and negativity whenever I am with my friends or when I am on my own.

It is SO not me. Although I try to be happy and bubbly - it feels forced. Tight.

I am afraid. Afraid of turning into myself into one of those people who can only think the worst of others, who whinge and whine about everything under the sun, who are suspicious unnecessarily.....

Something has happened along these years to slowly made me this way and I have always ignored it. I tried to slap on some indifference and humor for good measure and pretended it didn't affect me. But finally the chickens have come to roost and I have got to face it for what it is and get a closure on this thing which has haunted my days and dreams.

I have to. I have to get closure (as Rachel did when she called Ross to confess her love for him at the restaurant).

Because if I don't - I will never find inner peace.

Injustices in this World

2006-03-09T14:49:00.000+08:00

At this moment
I am SO angry - its blinding
Dejected, frustrated and empty

At times I wonder
How can we as human beings
Be capable of destructive traits

Aren't we are given brains
To think?
Bestowed with a heart
To feel?

From its recesses
Should spring forth
Kindness, generosity &, piety

Instead
As I found out
It can be capable

Of igniting
Greed, hate and petty jealousy
To an alarming degree

Ya Allah SWT
Creator of this Universe
I, your humble servant, beckon Thee

Please grant me
The courage, strength and tenacity
During this difficult journey.

Dua Tiga Kasut Berlari

2006-03-08T15:16:00.000+08:00

Those days are gone.

Days when kasut "rabar" (as my late dearly missed grandma called it) would suffice if you wanted to lari, lompat or jalan. With the advent of advertising - it seems that there is a shoe for everything now.

And the sucker that I am - I fall hook, line and sinker for their advertising ploy....At the back of my mind I know that these people at Nike are devising ways and means to make us part with our hard earned money - but like someone in a trance - I will buy and buy and buy. Since I have been on this fitness binge/craze I have had a hankering for everything sporty. SO now I have like 5 pairs of sports shoes already - 3 Nikes, 1 New Balance and 1 Fila. The last two pairs I bought within a space of one week....Gila betul.

But the shoes are REALLY 2x nice. And it will help me run my 1st 7km this coming Sunday 19th March 2006. (okay - I am biased AND guilty - so please be convinced!!!).

Dearie me....how times have changed......

Dulu jeling sports shoe pun tak ingin!!!!!

I Could have Shopped All Night.........

2006-03-06T09:25:00.000+08:00

I had a ball last nite.

Feeling decidedly upbeat after I fought off a virus or two (which caused me to miss my inaugral kl international marathon run!!) and since it was sales season I made my way to One-Utama for a little pick-me-up (read: shopping!).

I made a beeline for my favourite shop, Ms Read and practically tried every single baju which was in my size. I truly made a mess of the immaculate dressing room with the pile of tried clothes. But I think at the end the shop assistant was smiling from ear to ear as I made quite a hefty purchase...With the huge savings I made due to the sales - I promptly justified the purchases in my brain and out flew any remorse or guilt from my system....;-)

Then the fun really starts..heheh..I went to my favourite makan place - DELICIOUS...which was smack right next door to the boutique. Remember my new eating programme...??In built into it is a weekend treat and I chose to have first weekend treat at none other than this little haven tucked away in a surreptitious corner of One-Utama. (btw - I lost 2 kgs people!!!)

First for starters I had the Prawn Bisque. It was a tomato-ey spicy concotion with prawn-ish undertones and bits of coriander and fried prawn flesh swirling in it. With the juice of a segment of lemon squeezed in - so satisfying....

Then came the main which was Miso Cod. The cod fish was lightly grilled and placed smack onto a bed of cold soba noodles. The noodles was flavored with lightly pickled vegetables and I swear it was one of the freshet meals I ever had...My only complaint was the size of the serving. Too kecik (or is it my perut besar...hehe).

After the fishy main - I decided to have something tangy for dessert which was my all time fave - the lemon meringue pie. The light pastry case, zesty filling and cloud-like meringue assaulted my palate like no other. Heavenly.

There was also a fair amount of star spotting at Delicious. Lets see there were like 3 actresses and 2 news casters in the restaurant having dinner with me at the same time and if you got bored there's a stack of good quality magazines to keep you entertained.

Did I mention that throughout all of this I was ALONE??? Yep - I was on my own. Thats why I was acutely aware of the comings and goings of patrons in the restaurant and knew that Lindsay Lohan has a eating disorder (courtesy of February Issues of Vanity Fair).

With no one to reprimand me for spending all that hard earned money - I made my way to a departmental store and kamikaze-ed 2 more pairs of shoes...

Methinks retail therapy is good.....so goooooood....and long may it remain to be the no 1 cure for all ailments....!!

Confession Time & "the" Programme

2006-02-28T16:44:00.000+08:00

I have to confess and get this off my chest.

My Boot Camp attempts has fizzled.... The ghastly ghoul of complacency got to me. After having lost 30 kgs in the past 7 months its difficult NOT to be haunted by this phenomenon. Recently feeling liberalised by the loss I have begun eating more carbs, having more than a mouthful of dessert, having an odd nasi lemak here and there....basically breaking the taboo....to the point that my weight loss efforts have stagnated somewhat. My muscle build up through exercise and weight training is not helping the general state of affairs.

However, I am somewhat comforted by an article I read in the Oprah magazine last weekend. This IS apparently a normal phenomenon and somewhat expected. But I can't let it get the better part of me.

So in an effort to appease the demons of complacency, I have dispensed with the Boot Camp attempts altogether and created a 6 month programme.

Exclusive. One of a kind. Customised. For Me. Only.

Often falling into the trap of following a diet because it seemed to be working for someone else - and failing - has taught me to know and do better. I have to go on a programme that suits me, my lifestyle and my anak tekak. I can't eat brown rice, drink chamomile tea and OD on rye crispbreads. No way Jose.

So - voila - I have created my OWN programme - taking into account my past mistakes, likes, dislikes and which includes an exercise programme as well. After 7 months on this journey - I have come to know the person I have metamophorsised into. So - let's hope I clinch this deal once and for all. The programme will help me lose between 20 - 30 kgs during the next 6 months. It will be intensive, strict, no mucking about kinda programme.

Its DO or DIE, man.

The journey ahead is going to be a tough one. BUT - with Allah SWT's blessings-I am prepared.

Come Wednesday, 1st March 2006, I will commence. This is IT.

There is NO turning back.

Au Revoir

2006-02-22T17:34:00.000+08:00

It has happened.

I am fresh out of ideas about what to write. Kekeringan, ketandusan and kehilangan....Until I can come back with something fresh and exciting I have decided to give myself a blog holiday and shift some stubborn weight off.

Wish me luck and am hopeful that I will be lighter in spirit and flesh the next time we meet.

Sayonara- mon amie......

Blooming Life

The Amazing and Wonderful Journey ... Labaikallah hummalabaik..

Syukur Alhamdulillah

Winds of Change

The promise of Twenty Eleven (2011)

1432 H - A Renewal of Spirit & Forming of Noble Intentions

The Magnificent Mukjizat: Al –Quran –ul- Qareem

August & Raya

Ramadhan Al-Kareem

Charting the Path: Ominous to Glorious

July - An Unexpected Suprise and a Fresh start :D

June Lovely June

A Motherlode Weekend

The Adventures of Irfan & Aunty Wa (Part Deux)

On a Sunday Morning

Struck

Besotted, utterly and completely

Another Dimension - A Spiritual Fulfillment

Musings

Kinabalu here we come!!

The First Day

Commitment Renewal

I feel your pain...Malaysia

The Next Phase

What Lifebloom Did

Testing2x 1,2,3

The New Adventures of Irfan and Aunty Wa: The Beginning

Reality 2009 - Into the New Decade

My first blog via mobile

What a weekend

Time to De-Bag

Going Dotty

Angst Venting

Tall Tale of A Tote

Starry starry nite

A short one

Takut Ada Malu pun Ada....

The Princess finds her Prince

Brunei Breakaway

Salam Everybody

A journey begins

Dubai Daze

Tak Hensem Lagiiiiii....

Its A Wonderful World...Today

The Cycle

Baby An

Lowick's Lair

My Little Angels - An Intro

Farewell, my love

Rambling on....

Blog-tiquette?

Media blitz??

Selamat Hari Raya Minal Aidil Walfaizin

Imej Baru Sempena Ramadhan

Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan Al Mubarak

Of Pu3 and Her 3Ds

Ku Ingin Riadhah Saperti Dahulu

Little Poppet

Silap Pilih

Diamonds Are Forever

Still Aretha, Not Quite Alicia

Intermission

Un-glue me please!!

Burt and Hal was on to something!!!

Its been a while....

Floodgates

*POP* Goes the Button!

Ramadhan Reminds Us

My new PDA Phone

The Buck Stops Here

Work or Life

Waaaahhhhh...So Lama never Blog...

Goodbye Curly Mop

Barring unforeseen circumstances...

Ikan Di laut, Asam Di Darat

A re-cap

Mulanya di sini...

Going to War

The Day After

Diving In

POP Goes the Button!